"Love Letter"

Hello, friends.

I know, I wrote about songs all last month. But today's a Tuesday that feels like a Friday, and I'm worn out from aide-ing and parenting and life. The song on my mind is just too perfect for tonight.

My favorite artist, Malinda, released her first album in 2018. It was named after its title track, "Love Letter." When I did a virtual meet-and-greet with Malinda a few months ago, I was able to tell her exactly why this song means so much to me.

The first line has always struck me.

"I write the world a love letter / by rising from my bed"

When I lived in Oklahoma and was going through the most severe forms of my depression, rising from my bed was the first challenge of many that I would face throughout my day. It was not an easy feat. Often, I would get out of bed, get my daughter out of bed, and drive her to school without getting out of my pajamas. Then I would return home and go straight back to bed. I was frequently (read: 2-4 days a week) late for work because the prospect of actually starting my day was so paralyzing.

But I always did it, eventually.

I'm an Enneagram 2. I'm a helper. I want nothing more than to make the world a better place. Even now, I've got big dreams. It is difficult for me to handle days where the best I can do is get out of bed. But sometimes, that's all I can do, and that's okay. 

I choose not to give up. On the contrary, I choose to get up. 

That's my love letter to the world.

Playlist Prompt #24: "Too Honest Lullaby"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of yours truly, is the song "Too Honest Lullaby" by Whitney Avalon.

When I moved to Oklahoma, I lived by myself in a house for the first time. I remember a time a few months in when I said to myself, "It's been awfully cold in here recently." It wasn't until a few days later that I realized I lived in this house by myself, and therefore, I controlled the thermostat. I could turn the heat up if I wanted to!

The reason I like Whitney's "Too Honest Lullaby" so much is that it makes me feel like I'm not alone in not quite feeling like an adult, even though I'm nearing thirty. Here are a few of my favorite lines:

"You'll never buy the right number of bananas / You'll run out or some will go brown / But that's okay"

"You'll remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs / And forget the name of the guy you just met / But that's okay"

"You'll cut one toenail weird which will get so ingrown / It becomes a major life regret / But that's okay"

"You'll have a junk drawer you always mean to clean out / But you'll never bother"

I listen to the song with these silly but relatable lyrics, and I think to myself, "See, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm not the only one who does these things. I'm not alone!"

And then Whitney hits me with these lines:

"And once in awhile you'll hit a wall / There will be a few times when things aren't okay at all / You'll curl up in bed, cry until your eyes are red / Wonder if you should just give up instead"

And I think to myself, huh. So I'm not the only one who feels that way, either.

She continues:

"But thanks to loved ones and their dedication / And sometimes astutely-prescribed medication / You'll find your way, back to okay"

 I am not the only one who needs my friends and family to function. I am not the only one who sometimes needs medication to function. And I am not the only one who needs to find my way back to okay.

I love this song because it's so real. It reminds me that the feelings I feel and the things I do are normal. I'm not always okay. And that's okay.

Playlist Prompt #21: "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of Kelsey, is the song "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" by Fall Out Boy.

There's a lot of fire in this song. I don't mean that metaphorically, like it's a really high-energy song. I mean it literally. The song says "Light 'em up" a grand total of 18 times! 

According to singer/songwriter Pete Wentz, this song is about starting over.

"When you do take account of your life, sometimes it's all right to just burn it, raze it, and start fresh. For me, it's happened a couple of times, and it's been a healthy thing. I feel better as a person, I feel reenergized."

Fire is a very permanent thing. You can't undo flames. I suppose that's why it's such a great visualization for starting over. No matter what, once the fire burns out, you have to start something new. You can't go back. It's just not possible.

Most of the time, when fire is mentioned in the Bible, it's as a punishment. Think Sodom and Gomorrah style. However, there is a notable instance in which fire is used as a guide - right after Pharaoh let the Israelites leave Egypt.

"And the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people." (Exodus 3:21-22)

The Exodus is an extreme example of starting over. An entire nation of people was escaping Egypt into the wilderness, not knowing where they were going or what was going to happen. They couldn't go back to the way things were. It just wasn't possible. No matter what, they had to start anew. And they weren't alone - God was in the fire, leading them.

Our examples today aren't quite as dramatic, but that doesn't make them less relevant. I moved from Oklahoma without much of a plan, but I knew one thing: I couldn't go back. I was starting over. I didn't have a pillar of fire to follow; I had to trust God's timing and the people he placed in my life. I still do, as hard as it is sometimes. What I probably need to do now is "light 'em up" - that is, burn the memories that hold me back, and start fresh. I can't move forward if I'm looking over my shoulder. I have to believe in God's promise that he will never depart from me.

October Writing Prompt #1: Fall

Hello, friends! Great news: Tanner Olsen's writing prompts are back! Today's prompt is Fall.

Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the weather and the colors and the clothes. My birthday is in the fall. During high school, cross country and Homecoming were in the fall. I always loved dressing up for Halloween. District Youth Gatherings were in the fall. I have so many delightful fall memories. Just to name a few...

Because our vicar decided to take us swimming in the middle of the night during the junior high Gathering, the Gathering group as a whole got banned from the pool. 

I dressed up as Super Goldfish during Homecoming week once. 

Speaking of dressing up, I was Laura Ingalls Wilder for Halloween once, but everyone thought I was Little Bo Peep.

I loved being/having secret buddies during cross country season. We got each other small silly gifts for every meet. My personal favorite gift was a frisbee ball. It entertained the whole team for half an hour one day.

One of my all-time best birthdays was this year, when my friends provided me with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert, and then proceeded to crush me in Uno Attack.

I didn't cut my hair for years, and then chopped it off the day of the Homecoming dance one year. Between that and wearing a dress, hardly anyone recognized me!

So many of my high school friends were in band that I was a loyal fan at marching band competitions, and went to football games solely for the halftime show.

Speaking of football, fall was a busy, busy time when I was at University Lutheran. Tailgate days were crazy fun!

It's hard for me to think about Oklahoma, but I had some good fall memories there, too. The Board of Ed came up with a new tradition a few years ago that I hope they're still continuing: dress up Sundays during the month of October. Purple for LWML Sunday was an easy one; we'd do red for Reformation Day; and in between we'd do everything from Sunday best to cowboy gear.

Fall is fun. Caramel apples and colorful leaves and sweater weather... I'm glad to be on God's Earth this time of year!

Stay tuned for October 4th: Prayer.

A Year and a Day Ago

Hello, friends.

A year and a day ago, I moved to Enid, Oklahoma. So much has changed, but one thing has not:

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)

Even as I grow in my career and my personal life, even as I am DCE Mary during the day and Mom when school gets out, even as I learn who "Mary" really is, I know that my God is the same as He was when I lived in Urbandale, and Mequon, and Tallahassee. My location has changed, my position has changed, my relationships have changed, but my God has not.

What else is there to say?

Blessings I've Found in Enid, Oklahoma

Hello, friends! If any of you have talked to me lately, you've probably heard me sounding pessimistic. I've been doing a lot of complaining. This blog post is to help remedy that. I hereby present to you "Blessings I've Found in Enid, Oklahoma."

The only thing I can put first is my foster child. She's a handful, all right - but she's just a kid. More than that, she's my kid, and I love the way she laughs at my jokes, makes the most creative art projects, teaches Kensi new tricks, gets excited about the strangest of things... She's a joy.

Next on the list is my church. Sure, it has problems. Every church and every workplace does. But whenever I walk through those doors, I take something positive away. For example, last night, I attended a meeting. Someone had baked brownies for it, but she forgot to bring them. I jokingly suggested that she bring them to church today - so she did. Let me tell you, they were delicious.

Some of the people at church simply blow me away in their kindness and generosity - the young people in particular. I recently realized that I need a babysitter. I called up one of my high school students, and I had no idea what she would say. Not only did she agree, she was willing to drive over immediately if I needed her right that second.

Speaking of caring for my child, she has been enrolled in day camp for the past three weeks. She's technically too old for the camp, but the camp director has been fantastic. She understands my daughter's special circumstances and works with her at every turn, even when my daughter isn't necessarily interested in doing the same.

This list could go on for days, but I'll end it with this: I love my dog. When I need a smile, she's got the best one around.

Epic Things About Oklahoma

Hello, friends! I promise this blog will be slightly longer than the last one. Not because I'm less tired, because I'm probably more tired, but because so much has happened and I want to share it with you! For your reading pleasure, I present to you: Epic Things About Oklahoma.

1. The people!! I am enjoying getting to know the people at Redeemer so very much. I've met people between the ages of 3 months and 92 years and have enjoyed all of them. A specific story for you: a wonderful couple from church invited me to dinner and gave me quite the extensive tour of Enid. They're both photographers, and I loved seeing their studio!

2. The church! Let me tell you, the sanctuary alone would make me love Redeemer. It's recently redone with beautiful stained glass and incredible architecture. But apart from the sanctuary, I'm a fan of pretty much everything! A specific story for you: we have such an abundance of classrooms that I have a room for my confirmation class that is only ever used for my confirmation class. Hooray for not having to clean up every Wednesday!

3. The town! Oklahoma and Iowa feel like they're cut from the same mold. I'm loving it here. The weather has been great, and today I found a cool walking trail. A specific story for you: Wednesday night, Audrey House and I went on a trip to Camp Lutherhaven. Not only was the camp incredibly amazing, we passed by some mesas not far from Enid that look like perfect hiking material.

4. The district! I got to meet a bunch of Oklahoma district folks at the bi-annual convention at the beginning of this week. They are pretty cool, let me tell you. A specific story for you: I spent a few hours with a group of DCEs planning a high school youth gathering. Insert high-pitched squeal at the realization of a church work nerd's dream.

5. This girl!

Today I adopted a beautiful shepherd/lab mix named Kensi. We spent the day learning about each other. I learned that she knows how to sit on command, catch tennis balls in midair, and play tug-of-war. Meanwhile, she learned that me being out of sight for more than ten seconds is not cause for alarm. (We're still working on that last part. But there has been progress!)

6. The people! I know, I said that already. But some exciting people are showing up tomorrow to celebrate my installation and commissioning on Sunday. I'm very much looking forward to it!!

Was that enough exclamation points for you? I hope so, because I need to go take a certain dog for a walk. Good night!

Iowa Girl Meets... Oklahoma!!

Hello, friends! Greetings from the Sooner State!!

My parents and I arrived in Enid on Sunday night, where we met up with Pastor Thomas House and Larry, one of the elders of Redeemer Lutheran. They gave us a tour of the church (beautiful!!) and my new house (more on that later!). Larry then treated the four of us, plus Pastor's wife Audrey, to dinner. My parents and I then spent the rest of the evening cleaning my new place, courtesy of the bucket of cleaning supplies Jessie gave me as a going-away present.

Monday was move-in day. Pastor House and Ron, one of the trustees, helped us unload the Budget truck. Between the five of us, unloading took no time at all. (Speaking of unloading, we also had some excellent people help us LOAD the truck on Saturday. Thanks, Mike and Julie!!) After we got all of the boxes (and furniture) (and vacuums donated by cool people) into the house, we put together my futon. And by we, I mean Ron and Pastor House while the rest of us watched and tried not to break anything.

The rest of the day was packed with unpacking, various visitors from Redeemer stopping by, and trips to Wal-Mart, Lowes, and Marquis Furniture. We finished it off with a trip to Braum's for the best ice cream in Oklahoma before heading to the hotel and watching an episode of Castle.

On Tuesday morning, my parents left to return to Iowa and I was on officially on my own! Predictably, I spent the day... unpacking. I also had my weekly mentoring phone call with Pastor Jay and met some people over at Redeemer. Wednesday I was at church most of the day, organizing my new office, meeting people, and observing the Midweek school. Thursday was similar; I spent a good part of my day planning for my first week of work. (I officially start on Monday.)

Fridays will be my day off, so I'm treating today as such, even though I haven't started my job yet. I slept in, did some more unpacking, did a load of laundry and hung it out to dry on the clothesline in my backyard, and organized my kitchen and bathroom. The rest of my house is not quite organized yet, so you'll get more pictures of it in the next couple of weeks. For now, here are some pictures of my kitchen and the sign over at Redeemer!

I was welcomed on a sign! (Yes, I did notice that they spelled my name wrong...)

Also this is not a complete sentence. But it's still cool!

Here we have my kitchen table, complete with homemade napkin holder and table runner, embroidered cat from my grandma, and a book (because I need it, that's why).

And here are my favorite mugs. They're decorative AND useful!

And finally, I bought some plants for my kitchen!

The Puzzle Was BIG NEWS

Hello, friends! Who's still wondering about the puzzle from Friday? Wonder no more, because I have the answer for you! But first, a shout-out to the people who figured it out: Melissa Leon, Lindsey Monfre, Michael Wolfram, and my dad. Good work!

The key to the puzzle was this: "Most of what I'm typing has nothing to do with anything." You see, all that mattered was the first letter in each paragraph, which, when put together, spelled out the words "Enid, Oklahoma." And why did I give you a puzzle about Enid, Oklahoma, you ask? Well...

There's this cool place in Enid, Oklahoma called Redeemer Lutheran Church. They happen to be in need of a Director of Christian Education. They issued me a call to serve as their DCE, and yesterday afternoon, I officially accepted that call.

That's right -- after over two years of waiting, I have a call!!

I'll primarily be doing parish education for all ages, with a particular focus on the youth. I'll also be helping out at Camp Lutherhaven for two weeks every summer. I'll be heading down to Enid on September 27th and my commissioning and installation will be in October (possibly the 18th).

I'm extremely excited. I can't wait to get down to Oklahoma and start the work God has for me there!! Before I go off to pack intensely for the rest of the day, I just want to say THANK YOU to all the people who have been praying for me. During this period of waiting, it's meant so much to know that I'm in your thoughts and prayers. I've always known that I am not alone.

This was my face when I received my call papers on Friday!

Solve the Puzzle! :)

Everyone reading this might notice that I didn't start off with my typical "Hello, friends!" There's a reason for that, and you can figure it out if you're very, very clever.

Never assume you've figured it out, though. You'll have to read through the entire post, and even then, you might still be confused.

I may have planned it that way. You probably know me well enough to already know that.

Don't despair! I believe in you. You can decipher my hidden message.

Own up to it. I know you're dying of curiosity now. Or you're just getting annoyed with me; both are equally possible!

Key to your understanding will be your attention to small details. Most of what I'm typing has nothing to do with anything. But if you pick up on the pattern, it'll be easy!

Let yourself have fun figuring it out. There's no need to drive yourself crazy.

And keep in mind that I'll reveal the mystery sometime next week. So if you can't solve the puzzle today, you'll hear the solution soon anyway.

Have fun, though, seriously. I'm all about having fun, as you know.

Oh, right. Some of you might have a feeling what this is about, even if you haven't figured out the puzzle. Don't ruin it for everyone else!

Make a guess if you've got one. If you don't have a guess, feel free to ask for clues that I may or may not give. (Have I mentioned that I'm having too much fun with this?)

As always, I hope you're all having a stellar week. You can expect another post next week! :)