A List, Part 1/12

Hello, friends!

I have low self-esteem. I wonder all the time whether I am making a difference. So, to combat that, I challenged myself this year to write down, daily, the difference I've made, no matter how big or small it is, and give thanks. 

My definition of "making a difference" is pretty broad. It can mean anything from helping someone, to working with my students, to doing something on the weekend other than sitting on my butt. The purpose of this activity is to give me something tangible to look back on when I'm feeling down, so I can say, "Yes, I am worthwhile, even when I don't feel that way." If there's a secondary purpose, it's to remind me that small things matter just as much as big things.

Here are a few from the month of January.

• January 1 - made Lindsey laugh.
• January 2 - did laundry and dishes.
• January 3 - helped Tammy clean her room.
• January 4 - advocated for my 4th-grade student.
• January 5 - got to know the kids at my new after-school job.
• January 6 - filled out paperwork.
• January 7 - helped my 4th-grade teacher.
• January 8 - helped Tammy with job coach interview.
• January 9 - recorded Melissa's trombone playing.
• January 10 - helped Kelsey make cheesecake for Jeff's birthday.
• January 11 - looked up some materials to use with my 4th-grade student.
• January 12 - taught my 4th-grade student the word "uterus."
• January 13 - wrote in my blog.
• January 14 - asked a friend how her grandma was doing.
• January 15 - successfully completed a week of sex ed.
• January 16 - washed Melissa's dishes.
• January 17 - made chex mix and puppy chow with Lindsey.
• January 18 - made potato soup and chicken casserole.
• January 19 - worked with my 4th-grade student.
• January 20 - watched the inauguration with Tammy.
• January 21 - texted Lindsey an endless stream of Bernie gifs.
• January 22 - discovered a new feel-good TV show.
• January 23 - planned all of my outfits for National Lutheran Schools Week.
• January 24 - brought Bryan Culver's for lunch.
• January 25 - laughed a lot with a kindergartener at my after-school job.
• January 26 - wrote up my observations of my 4th-grade student for her evaluation.
• January 27 - tried to teach my 4th-grade student how to hula hoop.
• January 28 - emailed my after-school-care supervisor about some students.
• January 29 - made delicious sautéed cinnamon apples with peanut butter and granola.
• January 30 - made chocolate bundt cake (my grandma's recipe!).
• January 31 - went tubing with Kelsey, Jeff, and Melissa.

I give thanks to God for all of the good things he's put in my path this month!

Fiction Prompts #1: Continue

Hello, friends! I've decided to do something a little different to start out the New Year. Instead of using Tanner Olsen's latest prompts to write reflective blog posts, I'm going to use them to write some short fiction stories. Enjoy!

Today's prompt is "Continue."

Andi was packing

- or, at least, she was going through stuff, which wasn't exactly the same as packing.

She was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, surrounded by piles: keep, toss, donate. So far, keep was winning by a wide margin. After all, how could she part with her third-grade self-portrait that portrayed her with shockingly large eyes and a tiny nose?

Maybe her mother had a point about her hoarding tendencies.

Shaking her head, she turned to the next box. Old crayons, toss. Although she could turn them into... no, don't tempt yourself with projects you'll never complete, she thought. Next she found a crushed mobile that once looked like falling snowflakes, which she attempted to reanimate before giving up and putting it into the toss pile too. 

Ten minutes later, she had added only two things to the keep pile, and she was at the bottom of the box. Andi was about to break it down when she noticed a wrinkled slip of paper stuck to the cardboard. "Hmm, what's this?" she wondered aloud, holding it up to the light. It read:

"My best friend's name is Andi,

And I think she's sweet as candy.

She's got dark brown hair and eyes to match.

In softball she's always down to catch.

She works hard and plays hard too.

She'll cheer you up if you feel blue.

No matter what, she'll always be there,

And she'll show you that she cares.

She loves her cats, her dogs, and me.

The best of friends we'll always be!"

It was signed,

"Love, your best friend forever, Erin Calloway."

"I remember this," she whispered. It had been an assignment in fifth grade. They had to pick a person and write a rhyming poem about them. She had picked her best friend Erin, and Erin had picked her. Andi had been so sure that Erin would pick someone else; her self-confidence was as low then as it was now. But Erin had picked her, and she’d been so excited about it.

Erin Calloway hadn't crossed Andi’s mind in ages. She moved away after fifth grade, and writing letters just wasn't the same as seeing each other every day. They fell out of touch pretty quickly.

She smoothed the paper in her lap and re-read the poem. "Ha, softball, " she muttered. "That didn't last long."

However, it was interesting to read that some of the things Andi held as important now, were important to her back then, too.

"She'll cheer you up if you feel blue.

No matter what, she'll always be there,

And she'll show you that she cares."

She wondered what she had written about Erin, and whether that still held true for her as well.

Andi was about to move to a new city and start her first "real" job after college. She vacillated between confidence and terror. How was she supposed to teach children when she was definitely not yet a competent adult? How was anyone trusting her with this?

But the answer was right there in the poem.

Cheer them up when they feel blue.

Be there, and show them that you care.

If she just continued doing those things, she would probably be okay.

Carefully, she added Erin's poem to the keep pile.

She could hang it up in her classroom, right next to her favorite quote about teaching: 

"What a teacher is, is more important than what he teaches." - Karl Menninger

"Love Letter"

Hello, friends.

I know, I wrote about songs all last month. But today's a Tuesday that feels like a Friday, and I'm worn out from aide-ing and parenting and life. The song on my mind is just too perfect for tonight.

My favorite artist, Malinda, released her first album in 2018. It was named after its title track, "Love Letter." When I did a virtual meet-and-greet with Malinda a few months ago, I was able to tell her exactly why this song means so much to me.

The first line has always struck me.

"I write the world a love letter / by rising from my bed"

When I lived in Oklahoma and was going through the most severe forms of my depression, rising from my bed was the first challenge of many that I would face throughout my day. It was not an easy feat. Often, I would get out of bed, get my daughter out of bed, and drive her to school without getting out of my pajamas. Then I would return home and go straight back to bed. I was frequently (read: 2-4 days a week) late for work because the prospect of actually starting my day was so paralyzing.

But I always did it, eventually.

I'm an Enneagram 2. I'm a helper. I want nothing more than to make the world a better place. Even now, I've got big dreams. It is difficult for me to handle days where the best I can do is get out of bed. But sometimes, that's all I can do, and that's okay. 

I choose not to give up. On the contrary, I choose to get up. 

That's my love letter to the world.

Playlist Prompt #25: "In My Life"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of Lindsey, is the song "In My Life" by the Beatles.

This song makes me think of Heaven.

It starts out talking about nouns. Just kidding, but it's true all the same: the song talks about people, places, and things that the singer loves. There's a lot of nostalgia in this song, and I'm here for it! I can list some of my favorite places:

• The bluff at Concordia University Wisconsin
• The Chapel of Christ Triumphant, also at CUW
• University Lutheran's sanctuary
• Lake Okoboji
• Walker Johnston Park in Urbandale

And I can list some of the things I associate with those places:

• Many, many walks up and down the switchbacks with Lindsey
• Many, many chapel services with my college friends
• The joy-filled Vespers nights with the UL crowd
• Swimming in the lake with my camp friends growing up
• Playing at the park with my neighbors as a kid

I don't get to those places very much anymore. I see some of those places very differently now than I did as a child. But the memories will always be there, and they'll always make me smile.

But as the song says:

"But of all those friends and lovers / there is no one compares with you / and those memories lose their meaning / when I think of love as something new"

"Though I know I'll never lose affection / for people and things that went before / I know I'll often stop and think about them / In my life, I love you more"

When we get to Heaven, it will be so insanely wonderful beyond all of our imaginations. It'll be like all of our favorite places combined and so much more than that. Our memories of the old Earth will be nice, but they'll lose their meaning to us in the light of the wonderful new Earth we're now experiencing. Isn't that an interesting thought - a place that has no dark side, that will never lose its hold on us, that we'll never need to feel nostalgic for because we'll never lose it? 

Playlist Prompt #19: "Even If It Breaks Your Heart"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of Zach, is the song "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band.

Not-so-fun fact: after moving to Wisconsin last September, I wrote a memoir of sorts about my time in Oklahoma. From the title, "Church Work Sucks," can you guess what the overall mood of my writing was?

Let me tell you - I thought that place broke my heart for good. I didn't want to dream anymore. I didn't even want to think about church work, at all, ever. I had a mild anxiety attack a few months after moving because someone was excited to learn that I had once been a DCE and wanted to talk about it. I did not want to talk about it, but it felt like every little thing reminded me of it, and it was truly depressing. I was sure there was something wrong with me, and that I would never feel free enough to follow my dream again.

The song says it, though - some dreams never go away entirely, no matter what kind of experiences you've had with them.

"Some dreams stay with you forever / drag you around but bring you back to where you were / Some dreams keep on getting better / Gotta keep believing if you want to know for sure."

I thought I'd lost the ability to dream, but as it turns out, my dreams were just evolving a bit. As a DCE, I'd wanted to impact the lives of young people and help them find their place in God's story. I am still doing that. I am still following that dream.

I am not "just a teacher's aide," as I tend to self-deprecatedly describe myself. I am a teacher's aide, a dedicated aide for a fourth grader with special needs, someone who matters in the grand scheme of things, who is making a difference each and every day. That's all I've ever dreamed about. My heart isn't broken after all - sometimes I feel like the Grinch on Christmas, with my heart growing three sizes every day. I never thought I'd feel that way again. I was wrong, and I am so glad.

Playlist Prompt #13: "Dream Big"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of Zach, is the song "Dream Big" by Ryan Shupe and the RubberBand.

This song is a mixed bag of advice, in my opinion. For example, here are a few snippets that don't sit quite right with me:

"When you smile, be sure to smile wide and don't let them know that they have won."

"When you walk, walk with pride; don't show the hurt inside."

Those two lines seem to support the idea of hiding your troubles and pretending everything is fine. I know from experience - not the best plan.

However, the song does have some good advice, too:

"When you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud 'cause it will carry all your cares away."

"When you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself and it will help you feel okay."

"When you pray, pray for strength to help you carry on."

And, of course, the titular piece of advice:

"When you dream, dream big - as big as the ocean blue. 'Cause when you dream, it might come true."

Laughter really does carry all your cares away, even if only for a moment. Seeing the beauty around you, and in yourself, can help you have a positive outlook even in dark times. Praying for strength, of course, is a good thing no matter what you're going through. As for dreaming big?

Sometimes I wonder if dreaming big is worth it. I had big dreams growing up, I had big dreams during college and in my first few years of ministry, and none of those dreams came true. Looking back on those big, failed dreams doesn't necessarily make me feel great. Part of me wants to encourage people to dream small, attainable dreams. But what kind of a world would we live in if people only dreamed small?

So dream big, friends. And feel free to adjust your dreams as you go without feeling like a failure. Dreams are just that, after all - dreams. They don't have to come true to be valuable.

Playlist Prompt #11: "Me, Who Am I?"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of me, is the song "Me, Who Am I?" from the Broadway musical "Cinderella."

I ask myself that question a lot. Who am I? The answer is certainly a little different than it was when I started this blog, six years and two hundred posts ago. Back then, I was a recent college grad on my first big adventure. Florida wasn't where I wanted to be, but I was following my ministry dreams where they led me. I knew what I was meant to do. I was shaky sometimes - my anxiety was alive and well - but I was usually able to overcome it.

I feel like six-years-ago me was the bright-eyed bushy-tailed rookie. In contrast, right-now me is the seasoned, disillusioned veteran. I'm where I want to be, but I've seen some things. I don't have the same sunny outlook I once did. My anxiety's through the roof, and I can't control it.

In the song "Me, Who Am I?", Prince Topher has a vastly lower opinion of himself than his knights and subjects do. Here's how he describes himself:

"Me, who am I? A far from perfect guy / a bum who wants to do what's right but often does what's wrong / a kid who's voice is way off key but loves to sing a song / a guy who dreams like a lion but wakes up like a lamb"

Meanwhile, his knights and subjects describe him with these glowing reviews:

"His Royal Highness, Christopher Rupert, slayer of dragons, pitiless to ogres, destroyer of griffins and giants, no friend to gargoyles, nice to the needy, sportsman and poet"

So who is right - Prince Topher, or his knights and subjects?

I have similar questions sometimes. How I describe myself is very different from how other people describe me. My friends call me caring, funny, inspiring. My coworkers call me hardworking, dedicated, a self-starter. Those aren't the words I use to describe myself. Does that mean they're wrong? Who am I, really? Why does it feel like I'm not the same person I was six years ago?

Here's what I know about anxiety: it lies. I can't trust it, and therefore, I can't usually trust my own thoughts about myself. That doesn't mean they're all wrong. It just means that my thoughts - the ones that stem from my anxiety - aren't painting an accurate, full picture of myself.

I can trust my friends. If I couldn't, they wouldn't be my friends, now would they?

I can trust my family. I can trust my coworkers. 

For the most part, when the people in my life tell me something about myself, I can trust that what they say is true.

I can also trust that God's Word is true. Here's just a snippet of what the Bible tells me about who I am:

I was created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)

God knew me and chose me before I was even born. (Jeremiah 1:5)

I am one with Christ in my baptism. (Galatians 3:27-29)

I am forgiven of all of my sins. I do not need to be afraid. (Isaiah 43:1)

I was created and saved for specific good works. (Ephesians 2:8-10)

I will have eternal life. (John 3:16)

When I can't trust my own thoughts, I can go to the people I love and trust theirs instead. God, my family, my friends - they will tell me who I am. That hasn't changed in the last six years. 

So who am I?

Here's me, trusting you all out there to tell me, because I need it tonight.

Playlist Prompt #6: "Try Everything"

Hello, friends. Today's prompt, courtesy of Melissa, is the song "Try Everything" by Shakira, from the movie "Zootopia."

There are a few people in my life who have tried a lot of things. One of them is Melissa, obviously, who is the source of this song for a reason. But there's another person who exemplifies this song, too, and since it happens to be her birthday today, she'll be the topic of this blog post!

My mom grew up on a farm. She knows how to ride a horse and grow flowers and can vegetables and jams and jellies. She is a really great cook. Her mashed potatoes are to die for. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure she knows how to slaughter a chicken. 

She has an accounting degree, and she worked as an accountant for a few years after graduating college, but she has also been a stay-at-home mom, school cook, preschool teacher, scrapbooking saleswoman, and data entry clerk, and she currently works at a real estate office. She has a real estate agent's license. I like to refer to her as a secret agent. She assures me that she is not, but isn't that what a secret agent would say?

Those are the jobs she's held, but she's also volunteered her time as PTA president and LWML president. She's organized plant sales and Bible studies and big church events. She once cut her finger while helping in the kitchen at church, badly enough that she needed to go to the hospital and get stitches. She returned to the church and continued helping afterwards.

My mom is a dedicated sister, aunt, wife, mom, and grandma. If you want to get her attention quickly, call her Oma. It helps if you're small and cute and have red hair.

When my mom wants to do something, or when she thinks something is important, she'll do it. It doesn't matter what it is or how difficult or frustrating it might be. You can trust her to take care of what she says she'll get done. 

On the other hand, don't trust her when you're playing a card game. Even if she's had a margarita or two, she's still a force to be reckoned with.

My mother doesn't necessarily try everything, but she's not afraid to try anything that matters. That's a trait I hope I've inherited.

Happy birthday, Mom! Love you!

Playlist Prompt #5: "Touch The Sky"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of myself, is the song "Touch The Sky" from the movie "Brave."

This song plays in the movie throughout a scene in which Merida is able to escape castle life for a day and ride her horse into the woods. She explains it this way:

"Once in awhile, there's a day when I don't have to be a princess. No lessons, no expectations, a day where anything can happen. A day I can change my fate."

Throughout this scene, we see Merida in her element. She's riding her horse like the expert she is. She's practicing archery, a feat at which she clearly excels, just for the fun of it. She sees a cliff and climbs it because she can, and she's exuberant when she reaches the top. In short, this is Merida when she feels completely free. Just listen to the chorus:

"I will ride, I will fly, chase the wind and touch the sky!"

I remember that feeling from when I used to be a runner. My adventures may have been a little less dramatic than Merida's, but I know the feeling of freedom she's experiencing here - the thrill of doing something joyful and powerful for no one but yourself. I used to have a somewhat unsafe habit of running during thunderstorms. I loved being the only person in sight, soaked to the skin, chasing after that runner's high in between flashes of lightning.

I haven't found an equivalent to that feeling since I stopped running. I hope I do someday, because there's nothing quite like it.

Do any of you know that feeling? Share what gives you that sense of freedom in the Facebook comments!

October Writing Prompt #10: Childhood

Hello, friends. Tanner's prompt for today is Childhood.

The first story I ever wrote was in first grade, I think. It was about a donkey that died and came back to haunt its owner. Where this idea came from, I have no idea.

As a semi-functioning adult now, I find myself wanting to return to childhood. I want to return to when writing was new and fun and pressure-free. Here's my usual thought process when writing nowadays:

"I wonder if anyone will read this. Ugh, that doesn't sound good, let me fix that. I should word that differently so it doesn't sound weird. Let's cut out this whole section. You know what, scratch that, I'm starting over."

I put so much time and energy into crafting something that people will read, that I neglect to consider what I like about my own writing. I forget to enjoy it.

Here's how I wish my thought process sounded:

"Ooh, that's an interesting thought. That would fit nicely in this paragraph, or I could add a whole new section. Actually, you know what, there's enough to that thought to save it for something else entirely. Let's table that. I have enough here, and now that it's focused, I can concentrate on the wording."

See the difference?

Currently, I'm thinking about how other people will perceive what I write. It would be healthier and more beneficial for me to focus on what I'm writing. Full stop, add the period. 

I hope I can return to that childhood sense of wonder and thrill in writing.

Stay tuned for October 31st: Be Not Afraid.

October Writing Prompt #1: Fall

Hello, friends! Great news: Tanner Olsen's writing prompts are back! Today's prompt is Fall.

Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the weather and the colors and the clothes. My birthday is in the fall. During high school, cross country and Homecoming were in the fall. I always loved dressing up for Halloween. District Youth Gatherings were in the fall. I have so many delightful fall memories. Just to name a few...

Because our vicar decided to take us swimming in the middle of the night during the junior high Gathering, the Gathering group as a whole got banned from the pool. 

I dressed up as Super Goldfish during Homecoming week once. 

Speaking of dressing up, I was Laura Ingalls Wilder for Halloween once, but everyone thought I was Little Bo Peep.

I loved being/having secret buddies during cross country season. We got each other small silly gifts for every meet. My personal favorite gift was a frisbee ball. It entertained the whole team for half an hour one day.

One of my all-time best birthdays was this year, when my friends provided me with breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert, and then proceeded to crush me in Uno Attack.

I didn't cut my hair for years, and then chopped it off the day of the Homecoming dance one year. Between that and wearing a dress, hardly anyone recognized me!

So many of my high school friends were in band that I was a loyal fan at marching band competitions, and went to football games solely for the halftime show.

Speaking of football, fall was a busy, busy time when I was at University Lutheran. Tailgate days were crazy fun!

It's hard for me to think about Oklahoma, but I had some good fall memories there, too. The Board of Ed came up with a new tradition a few years ago that I hope they're still continuing: dress up Sundays during the month of October. Purple for LWML Sunday was an easy one; we'd do red for Reformation Day; and in between we'd do everything from Sunday best to cowboy gear.

Fall is fun. Caramel apples and colorful leaves and sweater weather... I'm glad to be on God's Earth this time of year!

Stay tuned for October 4th: Prayer.

Birthday Eve Musings

Hello, friends.

In January 2019, I had the opportunity to fly from Oklahoma to Wisconsin to help my friend Lindsey try on wedding dresses. Here's a snippet of what I wrote in my journal on my way home:

"I just don't want to go back. I'm driving back because I have to, because Tammy's there in Enid and because I have responsibilities that I have to do but good Lord, if I could just stay in Milwaukee, my life would be so much better than it is now. ... I want to move to Milwaukee. I do. I desperately want that. I said it while I was there in July and I'll say it again: I am more comfortable sleeping in Bryan and Lindsey's guest room than I have ever been in Oklahoma."

It took nine more months, but that dream came true.

It was a birthday present, in fact. On my birthday last year, I arrived in Milwaukee and got an apartment (after paying a lot of money). I saw my best friends, and I could watch them leave that night without wondering how many months it would be until I saw them again. I received the best gift of all: a fresh start in the place that feels most like home to me.

Needless to say, the last year hasn't gone exactly according to plan. But when has my life ever gone according to plan? 

All day, I've fielded texts from my friends with their plans for me for my birthday tomorrow. I'm genuinely excited and I feel so loved. Those are two emotions I rarely felt in Oklahoma, and despite everything, I know I'm better off here, and I'm going to be okay.

Writing Prompt #13: Anxiety

Tanner's prompt for today is Anxiety.

I write about anxiety a lot. You guys know this. So instead of doing that, I'm going to write about the opposite of anxiety. According to Google, the opposite of anxiety is "calmness" or "serenity."

Calmness = the state or quality of being free from agitation or strong emotion.

Serenity = the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

I tend to associate calmness and serenity with places. The bluff at CUW. University Lutheran's sanctuary. My balcony. Melissa's living room. Lindsey's backyard. These are places where I feel no pressure to succeed, no fear of judgement, only the opportunity for peace and joy. I can go to these places, even in my mind if I can't be there in person, and feel okay.

Any of you have places like this?

Stay tuned for June 1st: Breathe.

The End of the Decade

Hello, friends.

I'm going to do the stereotypical "it's the end of a decade" post here. Because it is! And it's interesting and informative to reflect back on what the last ten years have been.

In 2010, I turned 18 years old. I graduated high school in Iowa and moved to Wisconsin to begin my first year of college.

Since then, holy cow, a lot has happened.

I graduated college in 3 years.
I've had 9 different jobs and lived in 4 states.
I made a lot of new friends and lost touch with some old ones.
I've gained a sister-in-law and seriously cute godchildren.
I became a dog-mom, and then a foster mom, and then an adoptive mom.

The end of 2019 finds me recovering from following my dreams to Oklahoma. My recovery has led me to Milwaukee, with my wallet a little tighter than before, but my heart much fuller.

Looking back at who I was in 2010, I doubt I ever would have guessed what the next ten years would hold. I never thought my first church work job would be campus ministry in Florida. I would have been aghast to think that my first call would end so painfully. I hoped I'd find my husband by now.

So many things are different than I thought they would be, but that doesn't mean they're bad. I'm ending the decade on a good note, in a good place, with good friends. It may be a note I never would have predicted ten years ago, but it's a good note nonetheless.

Along the same lines, I have no guesses as to where I'll be in 2030. I'd like to see myself in a stable job, with a husband and maybe a few more kids (biological, adoptive, foster, whatever). That's as specific as I want to get. God will fill in the blanks. After all, He certainly did in the last ten years. I have faith that whatever He's got planned for the next ten will be equally surprising and ultimately good.

My Starfish

Hello, friends.

The other day, I wrote a blog post entitled "The Little Boy and the Starfish." I'd recommend you read that one before you read this one, because I'm going to talk about my starfish, and if you haven't read the previous post, you'll be confused.

Okay, here we go.

My starfish wears a lot of pink. She is a My Little Pony fanatic who can tell you everything there is to know about the Mane Six (and everyone else). Whenever someone enters the house, she instantly wants to play My Little Pony with them, and she will gladly play it for hours or even days at a time. Just ask Melissa or Lindsey about their recent visits to my house.

My starfish does not like homework. She doesn't mind school, but she does mind schoolwork. When she's decided that she's done for the day, that's it, and nothing her teachers say can change her mind. I seem to be the only one capable of getting her to finish her homework, and it's not exactly easy for me. She lies about it frequently and only tells the truth when I threaten to take away swimming privileges at the Y.

My starfish loves my dog, and my dog loves her. My starfish also loves little kids. She helps in the nursery on Sunday mornings and is slowly but surely learning that taking care of kids is different from being friends with them. She likes being in charge. When she plays with other kids, she sets the tone of the games.

My starfish doesn't act her age. She chews with her mouth open, shouts and screams when she gets excited or frustrated, cries to garner sympathy when things don't go her way, only uses proper hygiene techniques when forced, and has trouble thinking outside the box. When she could pick anywhere to eat, she wants McDonald's. When I ask where she wants to go to celebrate a special event, she says Wal-Mart. Those are the places she knows she likes, and she would be content to never go anywhere but those two places ever again.

My starfish is creative. She doesn't just watch movies; she watches movies, listens to the songs in the movies, creates dances for the songs, and then performs them for anyone who will watch. My starfish likes to read; her favorite series is "Pony Pals," an old favorite of mine when I was younger. My starfish can make pancakes and sew pony dresses and play a mean game of Skee Ball.

A year ago yesterday was the day I met my starfish, and I wouldn't have things any other way.

Send Me Jokes

Hello, friends. I'm writing to you from my office at church. My head itches, despite my best efforts to the contrary. I'm tired. My back hurts. I had a lot on my plate at work today, but I accomplished almost none of it; the majority of my day was spent ridding my house, my hair, and my daughter's hair of lice.

To sum it up: I've had better days.

But my dog is curled up beside me. My daughter is at home, about to go to bed. I know that I will wake up tomorrow refreshed and ready for a new day.

Lice is a pain. But there are worse things.

I am reminded of a particular cross country practice during high school. We were out of breath, sweating profusely, complaining at every turn about the heat and the workout, when suddenly my friend Anna says, "What are you talking about? I feel quite cold. I think I need a parka."

It turns out, we didn't need a break; we didn't need to slow down or find some air conditioning. What we needed was a laugh and a better attitude. I think that's what I need today, too.

Anyone got any good jokes? ;)

Father's Day

Hello, friends! I hope you are all doing well this fine (very warm) Sunday. Since it's Father's Day, I thought it would be appropriate to give you a list of things I've learned from my dad. Some of these might surprise him, because they're not quotes, they're attitudes he modeled for me over the years. I hope you enjoy!

-I can't be anything I want to be, and that's okay. I am who I am and I should celebrate that.

-Along with that, I should value the gifts of others.

-I should be kind and courteous to everyone, regardless of my feelings about them.

-If I make a commitment, I should stick to it.

-Winning is exciting, but if I'm not having fun and being a good sport, it's not worth it.

-There are all kinds of problems that I can't fix, and it's not useful to dwell on that fact. Instead, I should focus on what I can change.

-Family and friends are important, and I should make an effort to keep those relationships strong.

-Laughter is fantastic medicine.

-One of the best things you can possibly do is to have fun while serving others.

-God loves me very, very much, and that is the most important lesson of all.

Those ten things are only the tip of the iceberg, and I'm sure my brother would agree. We have learned so much from this wonderful man. Thanks, Dad, and Happy Father's Day!

(Side note: it's also my nephew's first birthday. Happy birthday, Kylen!!)

Gathering Memories

Hello, friends! After sleeping from about 10 AM to 4 PM today, I am awake and somewhat recovered from the National Youth Gathering. I always like to write about my trips right after I return from them, so here you go - my favorite 2016 Gathering memories!

• Rediscovering New Orleans through the eyes of my teenagers - for example, riding the streetcar and hearing them talk about the beads stuck everywhere you look
• Getting caught in a rainstorm at the Audubon Zoo and laughing about how soaked we were
• Finding all of the elephant statues at the zoo (there were a lot for some reason)
• Introducing my group to beignets at Cafe du Monde
• My teenagers buying masks in the French Quarter
• Learning about a soldier named "Barney Old Coyote" at the WWII Museum
• One of my teenagers being so excited about the WWII Museum that we could have left him there the entire trip and he would have been perfectly happy
• Eating king cake at Mardi Gras World (one of our teenagers owes us a party)
• Going to Walgreens - you know you're becoming closer with your group of teenagers when they talk about feminine products with you :P
• Carrying seven backpacks back to my hotel like a boss
• Attempting to run over and hug Melissa while carrying seven backpacks
• One of my teenagers using physics to explain why a grandfather clock wasn't working at the Old Ursuline Convent
• Inventing a game called "Emergency Situation" with my teenagers
• Mass Events!!!! Singing, dancing, learning, laughing, and being inspired in Christ alone
• My adult leader guiding us through the crowd of 25,000 by holding up a duct taped silver, pink, and green sword (he became known as the "saber guy")
• (According to my teenagers) jumping 3 feet in the air and tackling Pastor Jay
• My teenagers taking lots of notes during Bible studies
• Seeing Young Adult Volunteers and having one of my teenagers high-five all of them
• Attending Pastor Jay's "Relax and be a Christian" session and feeling very relaxed afterwards
• My teenagers asking PJ if they could build a bonfire
• Melissa playing the "Emergency Situation" game with my teenagers
• My teenagers helping package food (total, the Gathering packed over 600,000 meals)
• All of my friends that I found at the Gathering: Jessica, Nicole, Keriann, Noelle, Bethany, Dr. Oberdeck, Stephanie, and probably lots of people I'm forgetting
• Talking to President Ferry from CUW
• Meeting a youth leader from Hungary 
• Watching the Skit Guys and learning what Goliath's wife would have sounded like
• Attending a fantastic "Tough Talks" session and learning how to apply coaching skills to youth ministry
• The final worship service - taking communion with 25,000 other people
• One of my youth, who is not confirmed yet, taking communion for the first time and making the most priceless face at the taste
• Receiving a pretty stellar Gathering banner
• Going to Hot Topic with some of my teenagers :P
• My teenagers explaining what they think New Orleans needs the most (help for the homeless and strong leadership)
• Reading Princess Bride on my Kindle on the bus
• Finally getting home and hugging all of my teenagers farewell
• Lastly... sleeping :P

So much happened, and no blog post could ever cover it all. But reliving the memories makes me smile and laugh and cry all at once. I learned so much about myself, my teenagers, and leadership. This experience was fantastic. I can't wait for Minneapolis in 2019!!

Conversations (Thanks, Mom)

Hello, friends! For your reading pleasure, I present to you some conversations I've had with my foster daughter today. I'm convinced that I am becoming my mother, and that is a very good thing.

(I find a chair suspiciously close to a high cupboard)
"Did you take anything from the cupboard?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
"If I check the cupboard, I won't find anything missing?"
"No."
(I check the cupboard; shockingly enough, something is missing)

(My daughter is picking up the living room)
"That's as good as I'm going to get it."
"Really?"
"Yes."
(I look around at the paper plates and cups, books, DVDs, food, art projects, and trash on various surfaces all around the room)
"I disagree. Keep going."

(My daughter is filling up the bathtub)
"Mom, for some strange reason, the water is blue!"
"Really?"
"Yes, come look! I was filling it up and I looked and it was blue!"
(I check the water; it looks exactly the same as normal)
"Don't worry, I think it's fine."

Thanks, Mom, for teaching me how to be a mom in these and so many other scenarios. :P

Blessings I've Found in Enid, Oklahoma

Hello, friends! If any of you have talked to me lately, you've probably heard me sounding pessimistic. I've been doing a lot of complaining. This blog post is to help remedy that. I hereby present to you "Blessings I've Found in Enid, Oklahoma."

The only thing I can put first is my foster child. She's a handful, all right - but she's just a kid. More than that, she's my kid, and I love the way she laughs at my jokes, makes the most creative art projects, teaches Kensi new tricks, gets excited about the strangest of things... She's a joy.

Next on the list is my church. Sure, it has problems. Every church and every workplace does. But whenever I walk through those doors, I take something positive away. For example, last night, I attended a meeting. Someone had baked brownies for it, but she forgot to bring them. I jokingly suggested that she bring them to church today - so she did. Let me tell you, they were delicious.

Some of the people at church simply blow me away in their kindness and generosity - the young people in particular. I recently realized that I need a babysitter. I called up one of my high school students, and I had no idea what she would say. Not only did she agree, she was willing to drive over immediately if I needed her right that second.

Speaking of caring for my child, she has been enrolled in day camp for the past three weeks. She's technically too old for the camp, but the camp director has been fantastic. She understands my daughter's special circumstances and works with her at every turn, even when my daughter isn't necessarily interested in doing the same.

This list could go on for days, but I'll end it with this: I love my dog. When I need a smile, she's got the best one around.