Fiction Prompts #5: Brave

Hello, friends! Tanner's prompt for today is Brave.

Andi's first day of being a teacher was the most exciting day of her life. To be sure, she was clumsy and awkward and second-guessed herself a lot, but she enjoyed herself and knew, without a doubt in her mind, that this was where she was supposed to be and what she was supposed to be doing.

Her first day at her second call was a little different.

She was excited, definitely. She was teaching the same grade as she did before, which helped her confidence level a bit. But it was a new city, school, classroom, and experience. She didn't entirely believe she was where she was supposed to be, doing what she was supposed to be doing.

When she arrived at her new school that first morning, she found an envelope on her desk. Inside was a piece of Dove chocolate and a simple notecard that read, "God's blessings on your first day!" It was signed with her principal's name.

Andi sat down and took a look around.

Her classroom theme was dolphins. She had painstakingly decorated each bulletin board and student desk. Her white board already had the day's assignments listed on it for her children to copy down. She needed to power up her Smartboard and laptop and get ready to start the day.

She looked at the notecard again, propped it up against a mug full of pencils.

"I can do this," she told herself.

Fiction Prompts #3: Through It All

Hello, friends! Tanner's prompt for today is Through It All.

"Can we just fast-forward a few years?" Andi asked. "Maybe by then, this will have all worked out."

Daisy tossed a pillow at her. Andi didn't get her hands up in time to catch it; it hit her square in the face. "Hey!" she protested. "I'm having a crisis here, why are you throwing things at me?"

"Nothing else has worked," her friend told her frankly. "I thought maybe that would snap you out of it."

"'Snap me out of it'?" Andi sat up and glared at her friend. "I don't need to be 'snapped out of it.' I need a job!"

"I know, honey." Daisy shrugged. "And I know how hard this is. But you need to move forward somehow, and sitting here wanting to make it all go away is not actually going to make it all go away."

"Wouldn't that be great, though?" Andi managed to duck the pillow this time. "Okay, okay, fine. Tell me, O wise woman. What will make this all go away?"

"Nothing." Daisy snagged one of the pillows back and put it behind her head. "Other than time, maybe, but we can't sit around and wait for it. So you don't have a call yet? Find something else - not even necessarily a job, just something - that you find fulfilling in the meantime. You can't just sit here in my apartment, as much fun as that is. And I know you. You need something to do if you want to feel better."

Andi didn't say anything for a moment as she considered this. Finally she said, "It's almost illegal for you to know me this well."

"Through thick and thin, Andi," Daisy replied. "Now let's brainstorm."

Fiction Prompts #2: New

Hello, friends! Tanner's prompt for today is "New."

Andi knew exactly how her life was going to play out.

Step 1: Go to college. (Check.)

Step 2: Acquire her teaching degree. (Check.)

Step 3: Receive a call to teach at a Lutheran school. (Check.)

Step 4: Teach at that school for at least 10 years. 

Step 5: While at that school, meet that special someone and get married.

Steps 1, 2, and 3 were complete, but for several months now, she'd had this nagging feeling in the back of her mind about Steps 4 and 5.

The school board meeting had just confirmed it.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She dug it out and tried to smile at the name on the screen. "Hey, Daisy."

"Hey, girl. How was your meeting? You said you'd call afterwards."

Andi sighed. "I didn't - I couldn't - I'm still sitting in my car outside school. I haven't made it home yet."

"Why not? What happened?"

Daisy was her confidant, her best friend from college, the one person Andi knew would never let her down, but it was still so hard to say it. "They let me go."

"They did what?" Daisy demanded. "I will fly down there right now-"

"Daisy, it's okay," Andi told her, wiping her eyes. "It's not their fault."

"The hell it isn't!"

"The school has to downsize." Andi sniffed. Did she have tissues in the car somewhere? She rooted around in the glove compartment as she continued, "I was the teacher with the least seniority, and they had to combine third and fourth grade. Dan was the logical choice to teach it. I don't blame them."

"I do! From what you've told me, Dan is a-"

"He's a perfectly fine teacher," she protested weakly. "Even if he's kind of a jerk."

"Oh, Andi, I'm so sorry." 

"Thanks."

There was silence for a moment. Andi found some Taco Bell napkins and used them to blow her nose.

"So what now?" Daisy asked.

"I don't know." Andi shook her head. "My principal said she would work with the district to help me find a new call. But that could take months."

"You're still on contract through the end of the year, right?"

"Right."

"So you've got a month. Great! They couldn't make this decision in January, when you'd have had plenty of time to look for something..."

"I know."

Andi put her car into reverse, then slammed it back into park. "This was my dream, damn it all," she said, trying not to sob. "What am I supposed to do now? What if this wasn't God's plan for me after all?"

"Hey. Hey, take a breath, okay? We're going to figure this out." 

"I know." Andi laid her forehead on the steering wheel. "I just wish we didn't have to."

"I know, honey, I know." Daisy paused, then asked, "What's that ice cream place you took me to last time?"

"Um, it's called Harry's."

"Okay. Go there, get a pint of the mint chip, and call me when you get home. Okay?"

"That's a lot of effort."

"I know. But it's a step. You'll get home, you'll have ice cream, you'll have a plan for what to do next. And then we can come up with the next step. Even if that step is just what you're going to wear tomorrow." Andi drew in a breath to speak, but Daisy wasn't done. "I know you've got your five-step plan for your life, but life is about coming up with new plans when things go sideways. It sucks that we have to. But your new plan is going to be even better, Andi. Count on it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now I'm going to hang up, and you're going to call me back when you have ice cream. Deal?"

Andi smiled. "Deal."

Fiction Prompts #1: Continue

Hello, friends! I've decided to do something a little different to start out the New Year. Instead of using Tanner Olsen's latest prompts to write reflective blog posts, I'm going to use them to write some short fiction stories. Enjoy!

Today's prompt is "Continue."

Andi was packing

- or, at least, she was going through stuff, which wasn't exactly the same as packing.

She was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, surrounded by piles: keep, toss, donate. So far, keep was winning by a wide margin. After all, how could she part with her third-grade self-portrait that portrayed her with shockingly large eyes and a tiny nose?

Maybe her mother had a point about her hoarding tendencies.

Shaking her head, she turned to the next box. Old crayons, toss. Although she could turn them into... no, don't tempt yourself with projects you'll never complete, she thought. Next she found a crushed mobile that once looked like falling snowflakes, which she attempted to reanimate before giving up and putting it into the toss pile too. 

Ten minutes later, she had added only two things to the keep pile, and she was at the bottom of the box. Andi was about to break it down when she noticed a wrinkled slip of paper stuck to the cardboard. "Hmm, what's this?" she wondered aloud, holding it up to the light. It read:

"My best friend's name is Andi,

And I think she's sweet as candy.

She's got dark brown hair and eyes to match.

In softball she's always down to catch.

She works hard and plays hard too.

She'll cheer you up if you feel blue.

No matter what, she'll always be there,

And she'll show you that she cares.

She loves her cats, her dogs, and me.

The best of friends we'll always be!"

It was signed,

"Love, your best friend forever, Erin Calloway."

"I remember this," she whispered. It had been an assignment in fifth grade. They had to pick a person and write a rhyming poem about them. She had picked her best friend Erin, and Erin had picked her. Andi had been so sure that Erin would pick someone else; her self-confidence was as low then as it was now. But Erin had picked her, and she’d been so excited about it.

Erin Calloway hadn't crossed Andi’s mind in ages. She moved away after fifth grade, and writing letters just wasn't the same as seeing each other every day. They fell out of touch pretty quickly.

She smoothed the paper in her lap and re-read the poem. "Ha, softball, " she muttered. "That didn't last long."

However, it was interesting to read that some of the things Andi held as important now, were important to her back then, too.

"She'll cheer you up if you feel blue.

No matter what, she'll always be there,

And she'll show you that she cares."

She wondered what she had written about Erin, and whether that still held true for her as well.

Andi was about to move to a new city and start her first "real" job after college. She vacillated between confidence and terror. How was she supposed to teach children when she was definitely not yet a competent adult? How was anyone trusting her with this?

But the answer was right there in the poem.

Cheer them up when they feel blue.

Be there, and show them that you care.

If she just continued doing those things, she would probably be okay.

Carefully, she added Erin's poem to the keep pile.

She could hang it up in her classroom, right next to her favorite quote about teaching: 

"What a teacher is, is more important than what he teaches." - Karl Menninger

Playlist Prompt #19: "Even If It Breaks Your Heart"

Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of Zach, is the song "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band.

Not-so-fun fact: after moving to Wisconsin last September, I wrote a memoir of sorts about my time in Oklahoma. From the title, "Church Work Sucks," can you guess what the overall mood of my writing was?

Let me tell you - I thought that place broke my heart for good. I didn't want to dream anymore. I didn't even want to think about church work, at all, ever. I had a mild anxiety attack a few months after moving because someone was excited to learn that I had once been a DCE and wanted to talk about it. I did not want to talk about it, but it felt like every little thing reminded me of it, and it was truly depressing. I was sure there was something wrong with me, and that I would never feel free enough to follow my dream again.

The song says it, though - some dreams never go away entirely, no matter what kind of experiences you've had with them.

"Some dreams stay with you forever / drag you around but bring you back to where you were / Some dreams keep on getting better / Gotta keep believing if you want to know for sure."

I thought I'd lost the ability to dream, but as it turns out, my dreams were just evolving a bit. As a DCE, I'd wanted to impact the lives of young people and help them find their place in God's story. I am still doing that. I am still following that dream.

I am not "just a teacher's aide," as I tend to self-deprecatedly describe myself. I am a teacher's aide, a dedicated aide for a fourth grader with special needs, someone who matters in the grand scheme of things, who is making a difference each and every day. That's all I've ever dreamed about. My heart isn't broken after all - sometimes I feel like the Grinch on Christmas, with my heart growing three sizes every day. I never thought I'd feel that way again. I was wrong, and I am so glad.

October Writing Prompt #9: Silence

Hello, friends. Tanner's prompt for today is Silence.

I work in a school. Silence in the classroom can mean a few things:

1) The kids are quietly working.

2) The kids are staring off into space when they should be quietly working.

3) The kids have been too loud and/or obnoxious and are now on silent lunch.

4) The kids are in gym class and therefore not in the classroom. 

I'll let you judge for yourself which one you think is most common. ;) 

Silence can be an indicator that students are able to complete their work without assistance - a good sign. It can also be an indicator that students are struggling, but unwilling to ask for help for whatever reason - a bad sign. In the last year that I've been working in a school environment, my respect for teachers has grown a hundredfold, because they can tell the difference, and they know what to do about it.

My daughter is still attending school virtually. On Zoom, silence can mean so many different things. My respect for virtual teachers has grown a hundredfold, too, because I wouldn't even know where to begin!

Learning is so different this year, but one thing is the same - teachers are the best. 

Stay tuned for October 28th: Childhood.

October Writing Prompt #5: Just Happy to Be Here

Hello, friends. Tanner's prompt for today is Just Happy to Be Here.

This morning, using a multiplication chart that she filled in herself, my fourth grade student was able to successfully complete one-digit-by-two-digit multiplication problems with minimal assistance. She independently used techniques that we've been practicing together for weeks. I almost cried, I was so proud of her.

It's easy for me to get caught up in what I feel I'm doing wrong. I focus on the bad or the it-could-be-better. But today? Today I'm just happy to be here, working with this kid every day, watching her grow in knowledge and skill and confidence. There's nothing quite like it.

That's all I've got this afternoon. Stay tuned for October 16th: Slow Down.

Learning from My Students

Hello, friends. I'm killing a bit of time before my weekly mentoring conversation with Pastor Jay, and I'm thinking about something he says occasionally: sometimes, the things we discuss for my benefit end up benefiting him as well.

I experienced the other side of that yesterday during Midweek school. One of my high school students is our first and second grade Midweek teacher. Yesterday, she taught her kids the difference between "porcupine words" and "puppy words." (Originally the book suggested the term "teddy bear words," but evidently she likes puppies better than teddy bears.) You can probably guess the difference: porcupine words are intended to hurt people and tear them down, while puppy words are intended to help people and build them up.

When I asked her how her class went, she said that the lesson went more quickly than she was expecting, so she had to improvise. She did this by asking her kids to think about someone at school that they don't like, and describe that person using puppy words instead of porcupine words. This proved to be pretty hard for them, so she used herself as an example and described someone she doesn't like using only puppy words.

Not only was I impressed with her on-the- fly idea, I was also convicted by her example, because that's not only hard for first and second graders - it's hard for me, too. It's no secret that there are people at church that I don't like. That's a fact of life at any congregation or workplace. So often, I find myself only thinking of those people in "porcupine words," and I find it nearly impossible to find anything good about them because I'm just so frustrated. But that's not what the Bible teaches, and that's not what the Catechism explains.

The Eighth Commandment:
"You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."

What does this mean?
"We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor, betray him, slander him, or hurt his reputation, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way."

Here's to a renewed understanding of the Eighth Commandment, taught to me by someone I'm supposed to be teaching. These kind of moments remind me why I love my job so much.

Dogs vs. Humans: A Study

Hello, friends! Today, Kensi and I spent several hours practicing a new concept. It's called "walking on a loose leash so no one chokes or has their arm yanked out of its socket." We were somewhat successful, but we still have a long way to go!

I had a lot of time to think while I was walking... and stopping... and walking... and stopping. Hence, what you see before you now. I present to you "Dogs vs. Humans: A Study."

Observation #1: Every moment is a teachable moment.
Subtitled: Consistency is key.

I did some reading on dog training earlier today. One of the suggestions that stuck with me is this: "Until your dog has mastered this concept, consider every walk a training time." It's so true! If I am strict with Kensi and only let her walk on a loose leash for one walk, and then I turn around and let her pull like no other on the next walk, that won't teach her anything. It will only confuse her. I have to train her consistently, or nothing will happen.

The same can be said of humans. For example, right now I'm trying to teach my confirmation students about respect for each other. One way I'm doing this is to only respond to them when they're being respectful (i.e. not talking out of turn, not talking over each other, being kind, etc.). If I kept this up for one class and then let them do whatever they wanted the next class, they would never learn about respect. I have to be consistent if I want them to learn.

Observation #2: Don't underestimate or overestimate.
Subtitled: Listen!

Kensi is a smart dog. She's a shepherd/retriever mix, and both of those breeds are very intelligent. However, just because she's smart doesn't mean she's going to automatically understand what I want her to do. I shouldn't overestimate her, and I shouldn't underestimate her. Instead, I should do my best to listen to her. If I'm observant, I can tell how she's reacting, what that means, and how I should proceed.

This is also true for humans. My main confirmation class is on Wednesday evenings, but one of my sixth graders can't make it that night. (She is in 14 school activities. I'm not exaggerating.) So I'm teaching her one-on-one every other Monday. I walked into our first session on Monday not sure what to expect. Given the amount of activities she's in, I assumed that she was probably very smart. However, I had no idea what her faith life was like. The best course of action for me was to not overestimate or underestimate her. Instead, it was my task to listen and find out where she is that way. Through my observations, I was able to get a sense of how we should conduct class in the future.

Observation #3: Everything takes time.
Subtitled: Duh. But really!

I've had Kensi for a week and a day now. We've come a long way in that period of time. I know what her favorite thing is (tennis balls). She knows that I'm probably coming back if I leave. I know that she's full of energy. She knows that I give her tasty treats. However, there are many, many more things for us to learn about each other - and there's no way to find them out except to continue learning. It will take time, and that's okay!

Again, this is the case for humans as well. Last Sunday, I gave my first children's message. It was delightful! The kids responded just like I hoped they would. (Except for the part where they got me to admit that I'm not dating anyone in front of the entire congregation.) However, I know that I won't get that kind of response every children's message. I have to take the time to get to know them - all of them - in order to be an effective Director of Christian Education for them. That's the way it is and the way it should be.

There you have it, folks: teaching humans is just like training dogs, except with less drooling. Usually. ;) I'll leave you with a picture of Kensi training me to throw the tennis ball. See that intense stare?