Flipping the Script

Hello, friends! 

Sometimes, it's painful for me to watch TV shows that depict any kind of depression or anxiety. It just hits too close to home. A recent episode of "Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist" did that to me. I am totally obsessed with that show, but when Zoey's boyfriend Max sang "Say Something" to her, it gave me all the feels. Just listen to this line that gets repeated throughout the song:

"Say something, I'm giving up on you."

I'm worried, all the time, about my friends giving up on me because I'm depressed and not always fun to be around. I wonder sometimes if I should do what Zoey does here, and "break up" a friendship so I don't mess it up even further. Of course, my friends have given me zero actual evidence of giving up on me - quite the opposite, in fact - but logic doesn't really matter to depression and anxiety. 

I was apprehensive about where the show was going to take Zoey's journey after that, but never fear, the very next episode gave me a different kind of feels. Zoey is telling her friend Simon about trying so hard to feel happy, but feeling like the universe just throws obstacles in her way. He replies,

"Look, you got this, you got a massive hole in your heart that you just can't fill, and I understand that. But the good news is that eventually that hole will scar over. You can wear that scar like a badge of honor. And it won't define you, it'll deepen you, and you'll learn how to draw strength from it. Because scars are tough. They remind us of all the battles we've fought, and how we survived to tell the story."

Let me tell you - the idea of my scars as badges of honor? That's a way of looking at my mental health struggles that I've never considered before. It flips the script. My depression isn't a failure, it's a battle. The fact that I'm still here tells me I'm winning. And someday, I'll be able to look at my scars and tell the story of how I survived. 

I'll be stronger on the other side of this.

Thanks, Simon. I was on Team Max, but you're working your way into my heart.

What I'm Looking For in a Man

Hello, friends.

I haven't tried any dating sites or apps lately, but when I did, I was always tripped up by the questions about what I'm looking for in a guy. I always listed things like kindness and faith and a good sense of humor, but in my head, here's what I'd like my significant other to be like:

• Gentle like Newt Scamander
• Smart like Cisco Ramon
• Fearless like Eliot Spencer
• Creative like Flynn Carsen
• Adventurous like Hiccup
• Selfless like Steve Trevor

I could go on, but I think we can glean two things from this. One, all of these people are, well, at least moderately fictional. Two, apparently I mostly like guys with long and/or casually messy hair? Take note, boys.

I want my love to be magical, you know? I want to have an epic arc that ends in an exhilarating kiss in the rain. But the fact is that those arcs are fictional, just like all of my ideal men are. None of my friends or family have met their significant others that way. I don't know anyone who regularly fights bad guys with their spouse (which possibly means your secret identities are working exceptionally well). Point is, what I'm looking for, I'm unlikely to ever find.

I want to ask, how have you married or engaged or dating people done it? How have you managed this seemingly impossible feat? But the fact is that everyone is different. There's no secret ingredient. There's no special formula. There are no perfect relationships.

So what do I do now? 

I wait.

I live my life - I don't put it on hold until I find someone.

I be my best self. 

My life is not defined by my relationship status, but that doesn't mean I can't think about it and desire a mate. I'm allowed to fantasize, as ridiculous as my fantasies might be. (My future husband will be a bow-and-arrow-wielding billionaire with amazing hair and doey eyes when he looks at me...) Ahem. What was I saying? Oh, yes. Ridiculous fantasies.

My life is not defined by my relationship status - but it is affected by it. My task right now is to live in hope, focus on the present, and remember that even when it feels like it, I am never really alone.

Lessons from Lizzie McGuire

Hello, friends.

"No one person can save the whole world." That's a familiar phrase from my blog, but I want to share with you where I first learned it. It's not where you might think.

When I was younger, I was a big Disney Channel girl. One of my favorite shows was Lizzie McGuire. I vividly remember an episode in which Lizzie and her friend ran a successful food drive at their school. Because of their success, Lizzie became obsessed with volunteering and other noble pursuits - she started forcefully collecting items for the homeless shelter and sorting out trash and recycling at home, and she even became a vegetarian. She yelled at her mother for leaving the water running, her friends for making paper airplanes, and her teacher for not printing a pop quiz double-sided.

Lizzie's parents sat her down to talk about her behavior. They pointed out that she was taking on too much and running herself into the ground - she couldn't save the world by herself. If she really wanted to make a difference, they said, what she needed to do was pick one thing and go for it. Her heart was in the right place, but she needed to calm down and allow herself to rest.

Lizzie tried to do too much. She wanted to support the food pantry and homeless shelter. She wanted to recycle more and help animals and save the earth's resources. None of those things were bad, but she was only one person, and she couldn't do all of those things at once.

When I was in college, boy, did I make a Lizzie mistake. I tried to be a key leader in Students for Life, Puppet Ministry, and Small Groups all at once while still participating in other activities and taking a full course load. Everything suffered for lack of time and energy until I realized that I had tried to do too much. All of the things I was doing were good things, but I was only one person, and I just couldn't do all of them at once. I had to give some of them up in order to give my best effort.

It's easy to fall into that trap. We can become "yes-people," always agreeing to do anything that sounds good. That is a mistake. It's better to do one or two things, and do them very well, than to do five or six things poorly. It doesn't matter if all five or six things are good and important if you can't do them well.

Right now, in my life, I've picked my things. I'm a foster mother. I adopted a dog from a rescue. I donate money to my friends who are missionaries overseas. And when an important cause comes up, such as the recent tragedy in Manchester, I give a one-time donation. I can't afford to give my money to every charity, although there are many charities that I believe in. If I did give my money and my time and my energy to every worthy cause, I'd be broke and exhausted and unable to help any new causes in the future. I have to pick and choose. That's the choice that I have, and it's a good one. By picking my things, I'm able to help more people in the long run.

I can't save the whole world. But I can make a difference, one person and one cause at a time. And so can you.

Inspiration

Hello, friends! My last few blog posts have been more on the serious side, so today I decided to have some fun and talk about some of my favorite things: TV shows, movies, and books. More specifically, I want to talk about the characters that I find most inspiring in those three mediums.

After you read through my picks, I want to hear yours! Comment here or on Facebook and let me know the television, movie, and book characters you find most inspiring.

Television:

The character I find most inspiring on television comes from the short-lived show called "Forever." Detective Jo Martinez inspires me because she is so real. She has no mysterious past to uncover, a la Kate Beckett, Ziva David, and Emma Swan (from "Castle," "NCIS," and "Once Upon a Time," respectively). Instead, she is a normal person, affected by a normal, everyday tragedy. She is driven by the desire to make the world a better place, even as she discovers what "better" means for herself. She honestly cares for people and often puts them above herself, but she can't always do that, and she knows that it's okay to put herself first sometimes. It's hard to put into words, exactly, but Detective Jo Martinez struck a chord in me that doesn't get played very often.

Movie:

My most inspirational movie character can be found in the "How to Train Your Dragon" franchise. Nowhere else will you find a character named Hiccup! Hiccup inspires me because he changes. He starts out the first movie as a rebellious, snarky, friendless kid who can't do anything right. By the end of the second movie, he's a thoughtful, kind, fearless, and strong leader. (The snarkiness hasn't gone anywhere, but that's okay.) In addition, Hiccup changes not only himself, but others. His growth inspires others to grow. That's the kind of leader I want to be, which is why Hiccup inspires me.

Book:
Finally, books. As you can guess if you know me at all, this was the most difficult choice. Therefore I've chosen two characters. (I know, I'm disobeying my own rules... but I just had to. Also, they're my rules, I can break them if I want to.)


The first character I picked is Keladry of Mindelan, from the "Protector of the Small" series by Tamora Pierce. The series title really says it all: Keladry is the protector of the small. She sees value and worth in everyone, from sparrows to refugees, and she goes out of her way to look out for them.


The second character is Neville Longbottom from the "Harry Potter" series by J. K. Rowling. The odds were stacked against Neville from the start. He had to fight for every inch of growth and success. But he never gave up, and eventually, he became a hero.

There you have it, the characters that inspire me most. What about you?