Big News, Take 3

Hello, friends! Some of you might not be aware of the recent Big News around here, so allow me to announce to you:

Redeemer's vacancy is almost over! Our new pastor will be installed on February 10th!

Obviously, this is exciting stuff. The vacancy has been, well, let's be honest - miserable. I am very excited to have a full-time pastor on staff once again. I know him a little bit and think he'll be a good fit.

However, I have some shocking news for you: pastors, no matter how fantastic they are, can't do this church thing all on their own. They are only people, after all. People that God has chosen to work on his behalf, yes, but people nonetheless. Our new pastor is not going to come in on day one and take away all of Redeemer's issues. That's just not how this works.

So as his installation day approaches, I ask that you would pray not only for Pastor Schroeder, but for me and our congregation, that we may all work together to further the kingdom of God.

Cleaning through Depression

Hello, friends.

On Friday, I cleaned my living room. It really needed it. Depression makes it hard to do anything other than what's absolutely necessary, and I am a very messy person even when not depressed, so my living room was a pigsty. Now it's clean. There are no piles of papers on my desk, no collections of empty boxes on the floor, no little pieces of trash everywhere.

My kitchen is clean, too. I did that yesterday. Again, it was a deeper clean than usual. My counters and table and floor are all cleared off.

My plan was to clean my bathroom and den today, but I think my temporary burst of energy is gone. I got the bathroom done. That's all I could do.

You may wonder why I'm detailing my cleaning for you. I tell you all of this because I know I'm not the only person on my Facebook friends list who has depression, and I want you all to know as I learn myself that whatever you can do, it's okay. It's enough. It may not be great, but that's because depression is not great. It's not a reflection on you. I refuse to be more down on myself because I couldn't finish my tasks. The fact that I started them is already better than it could be.

Be kind to yourself. And find people who will be kind to you when you can't do it. You don't have to go through this alone.

In Anticipation of Mashed Potatoes

Hello, friends.

Tomorrow, I'm leaving the state for a few days so that my mother can make me mashed potatoes (hint hint) and my father can spoil my daughter excessively. Also, so that I can hold my new baby niece. Mostly so I can hold my new baby niece.

I put it like that - "leaving the state" - because it's a really positive thing for me nowadays. It's difficult for me to find the positives around here, so I literally have to leave the city (or, preferably, the state) to find them. For example, I had a countdown on my phone for the premiere date of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, and at the end of that countdown, I drove to Oklahoma City to see it. Spoiler alert: there are closer movie theaters. I just needed to get out of here.

That may seem depressing. No, it is depressing. But there's a silver lining in this story. I am making my own mental health a priority. I am recognizing that being here is depressing, and I am taking action to make sure that I go somewhere occasionally that is not depressing. I'm acknowledging my mental state and acting on it. That's a good thing.

I'm not nearly as addicted to NCIS as I used to be, but Gibbs' rules still pop into my brain sometimes. Rule 28: "If you need help, ask." This is another good thing I'm doing - remembering that I am not in this alone, and asking for help when I need it. My daughter informs me that I talk to Lindsey, like, every single day. This is a true fact. And while it's mostly because she's my best friend and I greatly enjoy talking to her, it's also because I know that when I need help, she'll be there. I call her in many and varied circumstances. I call her when I need to rant about bad meetings, and I call her when I need motivation to make a sandwich. Lindsey's definitely the person I contact the most, but there are many others, and I'm learning to rely on them.

I suppose what I'm trying to say while I wait for laundry to finish so I can go to bed is this: your mental health matters just as much as your physical health. Depression and anxiety are real things. (If you have questions about that, check out Elijah in 1st Kings 19 or the entire book of Job or, you know, this Jesus guy in the Garden of Gethsemane in Matthew 26.) Don't discount your feelings. Acknowledge them. Work through them. Ask for help. Find your ways to cope. It's okay to not be okay. And if anyone tells you differently... well, they're wrong.

Simple Reminder

Hello, friends.

Today, a simple reminder is in order. For me, that is - but maybe for you, too.

Jesus hears you.
He cares for you.
He values you.
Even when the world seems against you, Jesus is for you.

The Sixth Commandment in Light of #MeToo

Hello, friends.

I'll be honest - when I write blogs, especially about current events, a lot of the time it's for my benefit, not yours. I force myself to think more clearly and rationally when I'm planning to reveal my thoughts to the world. Today I'm motivated to write so that I can more clearly and rationally plan my Confirmation lesson for this afternoon. Normally, I'm not too worried about teaching Confirmation; it's one of my favorite things to do and I think I'm pretty good at it. However, today, I find myself intimidated by the topic: the Sixth Commandment.

You shall not commit adultery.

What does this mean? We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and husband and wife love and honor each other.

On the surface, this is pretty straightforward. Don't have sex outside of marriage and respect your spouse. Easy, right? Wrong. This is the first time I'll be teaching on the Sixth Commandment since the #MeToo movement gained traction, and I want to do it right. We in the church are far from immune to the enormous problem of sexual harassment and abuse. We can't ignore it. When we have the opportunity, we need to talk about it, plainly and openly and honestly. This seems like an opportunity. But how do I take it? How do I get my point across to my class? What is the point I want to get across, exactly?

In the latest version of Luther's Small Catechism, question 68 reads:

How do we fear and love God in keeping the Sixth Commandment?

We fear and love God by living as men and women who respect God's purposes for marriage. We do so by

A. treating our bodies as holy - set apart for the purposes for which God created us as male and female - and not as objects that serve our selfish desires;

Note: Human beings often violate God's purpose for them as male and female by engaging in sexual sins. This includes consensual sins such as fornication, pornography, and homosexual behavior. It also includes coercive sexual sins such as rape, incest, sexual child abuse, and other sexual assaults (which also violate the Fifth Commandment).

B. speaking and actions to one another as male and female in ways that build up rather than tear down (such as crude talk, derogatory comments about appearances, or immodest dress);

C. reserving sexual intercourse for marriage rather than before or outside of marriage;

D. refraining from lustful desire or activity of any kind, whether heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or otherwise; 

E. treasuring our husband or wife as a gift of God and loving him or her sacrificially.

Now my question becomes, "is it possible to address all of these issues in a single class period that isn't even solely devoted to this topic?" The answer to that is unequivocally "no." So then, what do I address? What do the young people in my class need to hear the most?

I currently have the website for MeToo pulled up on another tab. The tagline caught my eye: "You are not alone." If nothing else, that's what I hope to get across to my Confirmation class. The Sixth Commandment reminds us that we were created to be in community with one another. From the very beginning, God said, "It is not good that man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18). We are meant to interact with each other in loving, positive, respectful ways, sexually and otherwise.

This Commandment also reminds us that, outside of the Garden of Eden, we are never going to be able to do that perfectly. It calls us to repentance for our own failures, and it calls us to look after our fellow humans who have been harmed by people who break this Commandment. It calls us to listen. It calls us to report. It calls us to have compassion. And it reminds us that, just as we are not alone because of our fellow man, we are also not alone because of the Son of Man, Jesus, who fulfilled this Commandment and all the others when we could not.

The MeToo website reminds us that 17,700,000 women have reported a sexual assault since 1998. If there's any small part I can play in reducing the number of sexual assaults in our country, then I'm going to do it.

This is me, doing my small part.

I urge you all to find your small part to play.

Mary Magdalene and the Mental Health of Church Workers

Hello, friends. 

Back in March, I had to write an article for my church's monthly newsletter. I wasn't in a very good mood that day - in fact, I hadn't been having a particularly good month in general - so, I wrote about it. I described my feelings of general down-ness, and followed it up with the story of Mary Magdalene on Easter morning. She was also feeling down, like nothing was ever going to be all right again, but then Jesus literally came into the picture and changed everything. I ended my article with my assurance that Jesus would come into my picture and change everything, too.

The responses I recieved were largely secondhand. Some members of the congregation approached some leaders and asked if I was really that unhappy here. It didn't help my emotional state to learn that they appeared to consider my state of mind as a personnel issue, not a personal one - and to realize that they missed the big picture: my faith that Jesus would make all the difference. 

This week has been a tough one from the get-go, and it doesn't seem to be improving. Once again, today happened to be a day on which I needed to write a newsletter article. I considered for about thirty seconds the option of revisiting my March article. I ended up choosing a different topic, because I couldn't stomach the reactions I might get.

Talking about mental health is never easy, but it's made even more difficult as a church worker because we're not supposed to need these discussions. Even on an okay day, when I'm focused and feeling good, I have well-meaning people tell me to smile more, and you know what I do? I smile and nod and agree, because what else can I do? But inwardly, I'm shrinking even farther back into my shell, knowing that a conversation about why I'm not smiling more isn't welcome here. They want me to grin and bear it. No matter that vacancies are exceptionally stressful. No matter that when I ask, no, beg for help, I rarely receive it. No matter that I'm the senior called church worker after being a DCE for less than three years. No matter that, when our last pastor left, I had one less friend, confidant, babysitter in an already very sparse pool. Grin and bear it, Mary.

I'm not painting a picture of every person at Redeemer, of course. I have many wonderful people there who have honest and present concern for my well-being. But often, those people feel few and far between. 

In these situations, I always return to Mary Magdalene on Easter morning. When she needed him the most, Jesus appeared and said her name. Conveniently, her name is also my name, which is only one of the reasons I love this passage so dearly. I know that, on any given day, at every moment, despite anything that might be happening, Jesus is saying my name and reminding me that I am not alone. 

July Adventures

Hello, friends.

It's been a crazy fun month. My blog posts are usually serious, so instead, today I'm going to share with you some of my favorite stories from the month of July. I hope you enjoy. :)

I'll start off with a classic Mad Libs story entitled "Your Undead IQ," as written by my daughter and narrated by myself and Melissa.

Are you an undead expert? Take this powerful quiz to find out! 

1. Where do vampires sleep? a) with the fishes, b) on the beach, c) inside a cat, or d) in a striped coffin

2. What is a zombie's favorite snack? a) moon salad, b) chocolate-covered pillows, c) school bits, or d) brains

3. Where do ghouls go to meet ghoul friends? a) the grocery unicorn, b) the cookie park, c) a confused school, or d) the grave-trip

4. How do mummies become undead? a) they ask Lindsey nicely, b) they travel through time using a glove machine, c) they earn extra floppy grades in school, or d) they get cursed by a soft sorcerer 

If you answered mostly Ds, you're a real undead Kleenex! Your curly expertise will come in handy - in this life and beyond...

Good times, good times. Thanks to Melissa, Lindsey, and noun expert Bryan for your excellent contributions to my daughter's Mad Libs education.

Speaking of Bryan, he passed the "get continually harassed by Mary for two days" test, which is a good sign. Within an hour I was comparing him to my dog and he didn't even flinch. That's significant right there. Take note, Lindsey.

Let's be honest though - there was a very simple and obvious reason that I wanted to visit the cheese state. It was so delightful to show my daughter the campus of my alma mater Concordia Wisconsin. That's where I met Lindsey (when I came to her room to help her roommate with English and basically didn't leave for a year) and Melissa (when she stopped by my room at 8 AM on the dot to collect money for vegetable oil). CUW is where I joined Students for Life, the group that inspired me to become a foster parent in the first place. Without this incredible school, my daughter and I might never have met.

And have I mentioned the bluff?

We walked down the stairs to the beach, dragged ourselves back up the switchbacks, bought a Zoey the comfort dog plush in the bookstore, posed for a picture with Freddy the Falcon, and giggled at the summer hours for the Falcon's Nest.

Other Wisconsin-y highlights include: eating cookies while watching American Ninja Warrior with Melissa in her ANW hat, feeling very old at a trampoline park and a water park, the "men's ballet" at the water ski show, and naming dozens of badgers for Lindsey and Bryan to own.

I'm really quite astonished that I've gotten this far in my July blog post without mentioning my nephew. Have I ever mentioned my nephew on here before? I clearly need to make up for lost time. His name is Kylen and he's the cutest person on planet earth. Soon he'll have some cute competition, but for the moment, no one can make me smile quite like him.

Kylen's accomplishments include:

1. Being totally obsessed with my dad, AKA Opa. Which is, of course, very appropriate as my dad is awesome. Everyone coming to visit Kylen arrived before Opa, and this was extremely concerning. We're all small potatoes in comparison. 
2. Mowing the lawn (and the driveway) (and the sidewalk) with his bubble mower. It's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it, and Kylen's up to the task.
3. Making spaghetti with tomato sauce, thanks to the super-cool pasta play set his super-cool aunt and cousin gave him for his third birthday. 
4. Loving tractors a lot. I wasn't next to him at church, but I'm told that all he talked about the whole time was returning home to his new toy tractor from Oma and Opa.
5. Not appreciating Opa's very scary sneezes.
6. Naming his stuffed animals after letters of the alphabet. 
7. Pulling up his pants a lot. 
8. Playing frisbee with Oma.
9. Identifying the dogs (excuse me, puppies) in his neighbor's yards.
10. Have I mentioned he's cute? 

There were other people in Marion as well - Zach and Lindsey, my parents, my grandma - but none of us will deny that we were there for Kylen!

After saying goodbye to Kylen and his crew, we headed up to Minneapolis for my youth ministry conference with Melissa and my daughter's summer fun camp at the Mall of America with Lindsey. It was amazing to attend the conference. I learned so much and immensely enjoyed myself in the process. Meanwhile, my daughter and Lindsey rode roller coasters, met members of the Paw Patrol, climbed tall towers, made their own crayons, built a bear (technically a dog), and played arcade games. Lindsey also drew me this excellent map, which probably meant something at the time. 

My personal favorite activity, however, had to be the lumberjack show hosted by Concordia St. Paul (not THE Concordia, but still a good one). Oh goodness, it was hysterical. The lumberjacks were such hams and cracked us all up with their antics. I really hope we have that option for the National Youth Gathering next year. 

After Minneapolis, we spent a few days in this little place called Urbandale where I used to live. We went to the Botanical Center, where my dad and daughter ran around on a scavenger hunt while my grandma and I gave up and visited the gift shop after half an hour because it was very hot in there. My dad and I soundly defeated my mom and grandma in cards one night, only to lose just as soundly the next night, despite the fact that we were the sober ones. We also decided that we would like a turkey-shaped ice cream cake for Thanksgiving this year, please. 

Speaking of ice cream, I'll leave you with this list of all the places my daughter and I had ice cream on our fourteen-day six-state adventure. Thanks for a great trip that will hopefully be repeated soon, friends and family. :)

1. Dairy Queen
2. Culvers (twice) 
3. Kopps
4. Zach and Lindsey's house
5. Target/our Minneapolis hotel
6. ColdStone (twice) 
7. Baskin Robbins