What I'm Looking For in a Man

Hello, friends.

I haven't tried any dating sites or apps lately, but when I did, I was always tripped up by the questions about what I'm looking for in a guy. I always listed things like kindness and faith and a good sense of humor, but in my head, here's what I'd like my significant other to be like:

• Gentle like Newt Scamander
• Smart like Cisco Ramon
• Fearless like Eliot Spencer
• Creative like Flynn Carsen
• Adventurous like Hiccup
• Selfless like Steve Trevor

I could go on, but I think we can glean two things from this. One, all of these people are, well, at least moderately fictional. Two, apparently I mostly like guys with long and/or casually messy hair? Take note, boys.

I want my love to be magical, you know? I want to have an epic arc that ends in an exhilarating kiss in the rain. But the fact is that those arcs are fictional, just like all of my ideal men are. None of my friends or family have met their significant others that way. I don't know anyone who regularly fights bad guys with their spouse (which possibly means your secret identities are working exceptionally well). Point is, what I'm looking for, I'm unlikely to ever find.

I want to ask, how have you married or engaged or dating people done it? How have you managed this seemingly impossible feat? But the fact is that everyone is different. There's no secret ingredient. There's no special formula. There are no perfect relationships.

So what do I do now? 

I wait.

I live my life - I don't put it on hold until I find someone.

I be my best self. 

My life is not defined by my relationship status, but that doesn't mean I can't think about it and desire a mate. I'm allowed to fantasize, as ridiculous as my fantasies might be. (My future husband will be a bow-and-arrow-wielding billionaire with amazing hair and doey eyes when he looks at me...) Ahem. What was I saying? Oh, yes. Ridiculous fantasies.

My life is not defined by my relationship status - but it is affected by it. My task right now is to live in hope, focus on the present, and remember that even when it feels like it, I am never really alone.