Recently, the first text I received from my friend Melissa in the morning was simply this:
"There is a centipede in my apartment and it's traumatizing."Melissa is afraid of a collection of things. I'm sure this isn't the full list, but the ones I'm aware of include: bugs (apparently including centipedes, and especially spiders), snakes, heights, airplanes, chair lifts (no skiing for Melsa!), and enclosed spaces.
The thing is, though, Melissa is the very definition of a person who does not live her life based on fear. She is the most cheerful, enthusiastic, joy-filled person I know, and she doesn't let any of her fears get in the way of what she wants or needs to do. For example, she is dedicated to going on a mission trip to Haiti, despite the fact that this involves flying on an airplane. She also flies to visit her friends and go on vacations. She hates flying, is terrified of flying, and yet she does it anyway.
It's easy to think of fear and courage as opposites. But Melissa is no less courageous because she's afraid of things; neither are we any less courageous because of our own fears. Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, it is doing what's necessary despite our fears.
I may not be afraid of centipedes or airplanes, but I have a collection of fears, too. I fear rejection. I fear failure. I fear being alone. For a very long time, I've lived my life based on those fears. It's hard not to when your brain is so good at rationalizing them. "Remember that time you were rejected by people you thought were your friends? Wasn't that awful? You'd better make yourself as good of a friend as humanly possible so that no one will ever reject you ever again." It's not a bad thing to be a better friend, right? But being a better friend out of terror of rejection isn't a good method, and it's guaranteed to end poorly. It's preferable to be a better friend simply because you get along with someone and want to be friends with them. Friendship should come from a place of joy, not fear.
There's no obvious answer, no "right way" to live my life without being controlled by my fears. But Melissa is my neighbor now, which has given me ample opportunities to observe how she does it. Here's my unconfirmed guess: she relies on her faith in God and her relationships with other people. God tells her, as he tells us:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)And her family and friends tell her, as good family and friends tell us:
"We believe in you, and we're here for you."With that in mind, perhaps I can follow Melissa's example and find my own courage.
And Melissa, don't forget: I believe that you can take care of the centipedes, but I'm also here for you when you need help taking care of the centipedes. :)
Stay tuned for May 24th: Rest.
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