My depression causes me to have mood swings. I can go from generally happy to convinced the world is going to end in an instant. I rarely go the other way that quickly; it can take me weeks to get back up from my low days.
When I have high days, I purposely hold onto them, because I know the moments will probably be fleeting. My birthday this year was one such day. I relived the fun moments over and over again in my mind. I wanted to remember how it felt when Lindsey brought me donuts, when Kelsey and Melissa gave me pints of my favorite custard, when we all played nun bowling and Uno Attack. Those might seem like simple things, but they made me feel loved, cared for, happy, and hopeful. Those feelings are a big deal for me. They often come but for a moment. I value them.
It didn't take long for those feelings to be memories again. I've gone through a couple high-low cycles since then.
I have hope that, though the low days seem to last forever, they are but for a moment, too. The high days are just as inevitable as the low ones. Would I rather the low days never happen? Sure, that'd be nice. The reality is that no matter how my depression progresses, there will always be low days. And there will always be high days.
Stay tuned for October 10th: Passion.
No comments:
Post a Comment