Hello, friends! Today's prompt, courtesy of Zach, is the song "Even If It Breaks Your Heart" by the Eli Young Band.
Not-so-fun fact: after moving to Wisconsin last September, I wrote a memoir of sorts about my time in Oklahoma. From the title, "Church Work Sucks," can you guess what the overall mood of my writing was?
Let me tell you - I thought that place broke my heart for good. I didn't want to dream anymore. I didn't even want to think about church work, at all, ever. I had a mild anxiety attack a few months after moving because someone was excited to learn that I had once been a DCE and wanted to talk about it. I did not want to talk about it, but it felt like every little thing reminded me of it, and it was truly depressing. I was sure there was something wrong with me, and that I would never feel free enough to follow my dream again.
The song says it, though - some dreams never go away entirely, no matter what kind of experiences you've had with them.
"Some dreams stay with you forever / drag you around but bring you back to where you were / Some dreams keep on getting better / Gotta keep believing if you want to know for sure."
I thought I'd lost the ability to dream, but as it turns out, my dreams were just evolving a bit. As a DCE, I'd wanted to impact the lives of young people and help them find their place in God's story. I am still doing that. I am still following that dream.
I am not "just a teacher's aide," as I tend to self-deprecatedly describe myself. I am a teacher's aide, a dedicated aide for a fourth grader with special needs, someone who matters in the grand scheme of things, who is making a difference each and every day. That's all I've ever dreamed about. My heart isn't broken after all - sometimes I feel like the Grinch on Christmas, with my heart growing three sizes every day. I never thought I'd feel that way again. I was wrong, and I am so glad.
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