Tanner's prompt for today is Anxiety.
I write about anxiety a lot. You guys know this. So instead of doing that, I'm going to write about the opposite of anxiety. According to Google, the opposite of anxiety is "calmness" or "serenity."
Calmness = the state or quality of being free from agitation or strong emotion.
Serenity = the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.
I tend to associate calmness and serenity with places. The bluff at CUW. University Lutheran's sanctuary. My balcony. Melissa's living room. Lindsey's backyard. These are places where I feel no pressure to succeed, no fear of judgement, only the opportunity for peace and joy. I can go to these places, even in my mind if I can't be there in person, and feel okay.
Any of you have places like this?
Stay tuned for June 1st: Breathe.
Saturday, May 30, 2020
Thursday, May 28, 2020
Writing Prompt #12: Compassion
Tanner's prompt for today is Compassion.
I just finished a Bible study on Psalm 77, and oh my goodness, did it resonate with me. Just listen to the first three verses:
"I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints."
The first nine verses of the Psalm expand on this theme. We don't know for sure what the Psalmist was going through, but it was clearly some level of excruciating spiritual anguish. In verse nine, he asks,
"Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"
When I explain my depression, I often distinguish between what I know with my head and what I feel or believe in my heart. Reading this, my brain says, "Of course the answer to those questions is no. God would never do those things!"
But especially when I'm experiencing the deepest of depression, my heart says, "The answer to those questions is not obvious at all. Just look around. Where is God's grace? Where is God's compassion?"
It's a very troubling thing to relate to this Psalm so personally.
But the Psalm isn't done. The Psalmist goes on to write in verses ten-twelve:
"Then I said, 'I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds."
In our Bible study, we discussed the question, "What might have caused the Psalmist to make such a turnaround?" This feels like a result of a conversation to me. He could have been talking to a loved one about this crisis of faith he was having, and that person might have helped him come to the conclusions he expresses in the second half of the passage. I say that, of course, because when I am in that position, I call on my own loved ones, and they remind me of what God has already done and will continue doing. They are the answer to the questions asked earlier:
"Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"
No - his grace and compassion are shown through his people. Even when my heart doubts, my loved ones give me confidence in God's promises.
Stay tuned for May 30th: Anxiety, which is bound to be a doozy!
I just finished a Bible study on Psalm 77, and oh my goodness, did it resonate with me. Just listen to the first three verses:
"I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints."
The first nine verses of the Psalm expand on this theme. We don't know for sure what the Psalmist was going through, but it was clearly some level of excruciating spiritual anguish. In verse nine, he asks,
"Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"
When I explain my depression, I often distinguish between what I know with my head and what I feel or believe in my heart. Reading this, my brain says, "Of course the answer to those questions is no. God would never do those things!"
But especially when I'm experiencing the deepest of depression, my heart says, "The answer to those questions is not obvious at all. Just look around. Where is God's grace? Where is God's compassion?"
It's a very troubling thing to relate to this Psalm so personally.
But the Psalm isn't done. The Psalmist goes on to write in verses ten-twelve:
"Then I said, 'I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds."
In our Bible study, we discussed the question, "What might have caused the Psalmist to make such a turnaround?" This feels like a result of a conversation to me. He could have been talking to a loved one about this crisis of faith he was having, and that person might have helped him come to the conclusions he expresses in the second half of the passage. I say that, of course, because when I am in that position, I call on my own loved ones, and they remind me of what God has already done and will continue doing. They are the answer to the questions asked earlier:
"Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?"
No - his grace and compassion are shown through his people. Even when my heart doubts, my loved ones give me confidence in God's promises.
Stay tuned for May 30th: Anxiety, which is bound to be a doozy!
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Writing Prompt #11: Coffee
Tanner's prompt for today is Coffee.
Shortly after arriving in Tallahassee, I remember having this conversation with Pastor Jay.
PJ: "Do you drink coffee?"
Me: "I do not."
PJ: "What do you have to drink with breakfast?"
Me: "I drink a lot of milk."
And I remember Jay writing that detail into his Moleskin notebook and chuckling to himself.
It's true! Coffee has never held any attraction for me whatsoever. It smells weird, it tastes terrible, and it makes you jittery. What's there to like?
Okay, there must be something to like. I haven't read Tanner's blog post from this morning yet, but I assume he didn't choose this prompt just to talk about how awful coffee is.
Let's just say, coffee's not the way I like to start my morning. I like something cold (usually cereal and milk, because childhood habits die hard), a good book, and a hot shower. If I'm able to insert some kind of exercise, even better. That was walking the dog, but now that I no longer have a dog, I am considering taking up running again.
What's your morning routine? Let me know. Just don't try to convince me to drink coffee, because gross.
Stay tuned for May 28th: Compassion.
Shortly after arriving in Tallahassee, I remember having this conversation with Pastor Jay.
PJ: "Do you drink coffee?"
Me: "I do not."
PJ: "What do you have to drink with breakfast?"
Me: "I drink a lot of milk."
And I remember Jay writing that detail into his Moleskin notebook and chuckling to himself.
It's true! Coffee has never held any attraction for me whatsoever. It smells weird, it tastes terrible, and it makes you jittery. What's there to like?
Okay, there must be something to like. I haven't read Tanner's blog post from this morning yet, but I assume he didn't choose this prompt just to talk about how awful coffee is.
Let's just say, coffee's not the way I like to start my morning. I like something cold (usually cereal and milk, because childhood habits die hard), a good book, and a hot shower. If I'm able to insert some kind of exercise, even better. That was walking the dog, but now that I no longer have a dog, I am considering taking up running again.
What's your morning routine? Let me know. Just don't try to convince me to drink coffee, because gross.
Stay tuned for May 28th: Compassion.
Sunday, May 24, 2020
Writing Prompt #10: Rest
Tanner's prompt for today is Rest.
I don't feel like I have too much to say today. That might be because I'm sitting on my balcony enjoying the warm weather, and thinking is an awful lot of work. I have a book next to me, but - shhh - I stopped reading it awhile ago to watch Blue Bloods on my phone.
It's very restful to be out there, listening to the birds, doing a bit of people watching, and just generally lazing the day away. I'll do something eventually. But right now, rest is all I need. And that's okay.
I don't feel like I have too much to say today. That might be because I'm sitting on my balcony enjoying the warm weather, and thinking is an awful lot of work. I have a book next to me, but - shhh - I stopped reading it awhile ago to watch Blue Bloods on my phone.
It's very restful to be out there, listening to the birds, doing a bit of people watching, and just generally lazing the day away. I'll do something eventually. But right now, rest is all I need. And that's okay.
Stay tuned for May 26th: Coffee.
Friday, May 22, 2020
Writing Prompt #9: Fear
Tanner's prompt for today is Fear.
Recently, the first text I received from my friend Melissa in the morning was simply this:
The thing is, though, Melissa is the very definition of a person who does not live her life based on fear. She is the most cheerful, enthusiastic, joy-filled person I know, and she doesn't let any of her fears get in the way of what she wants or needs to do. For example, she is dedicated to going on a mission trip to Haiti, despite the fact that this involves flying on an airplane. She also flies to visit her friends and go on vacations. She hates flying, is terrified of flying, and yet she does it anyway.
It's easy to think of fear and courage as opposites. But Melissa is no less courageous because she's afraid of things; neither are we any less courageous because of our own fears. Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, it is doing what's necessary despite our fears.
I may not be afraid of centipedes or airplanes, but I have a collection of fears, too. I fear rejection. I fear failure. I fear being alone. For a very long time, I've lived my life based on those fears. It's hard not to when your brain is so good at rationalizing them. "Remember that time you were rejected by people you thought were your friends? Wasn't that awful? You'd better make yourself as good of a friend as humanly possible so that no one will ever reject you ever again." It's not a bad thing to be a better friend, right? But being a better friend out of terror of rejection isn't a good method, and it's guaranteed to end poorly. It's preferable to be a better friend simply because you get along with someone and want to be friends with them. Friendship should come from a place of joy, not fear.
There's no obvious answer, no "right way" to live my life without being controlled by my fears. But Melissa is my neighbor now, which has given me ample opportunities to observe how she does it. Here's my unconfirmed guess: she relies on her faith in God and her relationships with other people. God tells her, as he tells us:
And Melissa, don't forget: I believe that you can take care of the centipedes, but I'm also here for you when you need help taking care of the centipedes. :)
Stay tuned for May 24th: Rest.
Recently, the first text I received from my friend Melissa in the morning was simply this:
"There is a centipede in my apartment and it's traumatizing."Melissa is afraid of a collection of things. I'm sure this isn't the full list, but the ones I'm aware of include: bugs (apparently including centipedes, and especially spiders), snakes, heights, airplanes, chair lifts (no skiing for Melsa!), and enclosed spaces.
The thing is, though, Melissa is the very definition of a person who does not live her life based on fear. She is the most cheerful, enthusiastic, joy-filled person I know, and she doesn't let any of her fears get in the way of what she wants or needs to do. For example, she is dedicated to going on a mission trip to Haiti, despite the fact that this involves flying on an airplane. She also flies to visit her friends and go on vacations. She hates flying, is terrified of flying, and yet she does it anyway.
It's easy to think of fear and courage as opposites. But Melissa is no less courageous because she's afraid of things; neither are we any less courageous because of our own fears. Courage is not the absence of fear. Rather, it is doing what's necessary despite our fears.
I may not be afraid of centipedes or airplanes, but I have a collection of fears, too. I fear rejection. I fear failure. I fear being alone. For a very long time, I've lived my life based on those fears. It's hard not to when your brain is so good at rationalizing them. "Remember that time you were rejected by people you thought were your friends? Wasn't that awful? You'd better make yourself as good of a friend as humanly possible so that no one will ever reject you ever again." It's not a bad thing to be a better friend, right? But being a better friend out of terror of rejection isn't a good method, and it's guaranteed to end poorly. It's preferable to be a better friend simply because you get along with someone and want to be friends with them. Friendship should come from a place of joy, not fear.
There's no obvious answer, no "right way" to live my life without being controlled by my fears. But Melissa is my neighbor now, which has given me ample opportunities to observe how she does it. Here's my unconfirmed guess: she relies on her faith in God and her relationships with other people. God tells her, as he tells us:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)And her family and friends tell her, as good family and friends tell us:
"We believe in you, and we're here for you."With that in mind, perhaps I can follow Melissa's example and find my own courage.
And Melissa, don't forget: I believe that you can take care of the centipedes, but I'm also here for you when you need help taking care of the centipedes. :)
Stay tuned for May 24th: Rest.
Thursday, May 21, 2020
Writing Prompt #8: Endurance
Tanner's prompt for yesterday was Endurance, so naturally I'm writing this today, because I did not endure and get it actually written yesterday.
Endurance is one of those words that I feel like I know the definition for, but if you ask me to define it, I'll say something really vague like "it's when you endure..." So, I decided to look it up. Here's the dictionary.com definition:
Sometimes, the hardest part of being a runner is knowing when to stop running - when endurance is not actually what you need, but rest. I loved running so much in high school that it once took six months of constant pain from what ended up being four different injuries to convince me to take a break. After all, what are some of the usual sports mantras? "Don't give up." "Keep going." "You can do it." "Dig deep."
In reality, though, me finally taking a break was me enduring. I wouldn't have been able to endure without taking a break. And once I did, I was able to heal and become a better runner.
Sometimes, God calls us to keep running. Sometimes, he calls us to rest. Both of those qualify as endurance, as long as we don't give up.
That seems like an excellent place to end; however, I can't resist telling my favorite story about endurance from my track & field days. My teammate Sammi was just not feeling a race one day. She told me she was convinced she couldn't win; she was running for second, and she didn't seem to have high hopes. When the race started, there was a bit of a collision, and her shoe came off. Instead of giving up - which would have been so easy! - she endured, and she won. With only one shoe. It was amazing and I will be amazed by it forever and ever.
Stay tuned for May 22nd: Fear.
Endurance is one of those words that I feel like I know the definition for, but if you ask me to define it, I'll say something really vague like "it's when you endure..." So, I decided to look it up. Here's the dictionary.com definition:
- the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.
- the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina.
- lasting quality; duration.
- something endured, as a hardship; trial.
Sometimes, the hardest part of being a runner is knowing when to stop running - when endurance is not actually what you need, but rest. I loved running so much in high school that it once took six months of constant pain from what ended up being four different injuries to convince me to take a break. After all, what are some of the usual sports mantras? "Don't give up." "Keep going." "You can do it." "Dig deep."
In reality, though, me finally taking a break was me enduring. I wouldn't have been able to endure without taking a break. And once I did, I was able to heal and become a better runner.
Sometimes, God calls us to keep running. Sometimes, he calls us to rest. Both of those qualify as endurance, as long as we don't give up.
That seems like an excellent place to end; however, I can't resist telling my favorite story about endurance from my track & field days. My teammate Sammi was just not feeling a race one day. She told me she was convinced she couldn't win; she was running for second, and she didn't seem to have high hopes. When the race started, there was a bit of a collision, and her shoe came off. Instead of giving up - which would have been so easy! - she endured, and she won. With only one shoe. It was amazing and I will be amazed by it forever and ever.
Stay tuned for May 22nd: Fear.
Monday, May 18, 2020
Writing Prompt #7: Grief/Loss
Tanner's prompt for today is Grief/Loss.
I rarely cry.
I used to cry all the time, but after being teased for it so much in middle school, I learned how to keep it in. I'm still extremely emotional, don't get me wrong, but crying is hard. Which, oddly enough, makes me want to cry, but I can't, usually.
The most recent time I cried was after a nurse friend of mine described her current working environment for me. After we were done talking and I'd hung up the phone, I just sobbed. I am someone who always wants to fix things, and I was completely powerless. My friend was hurting, and there was nothing I could do. I cried for her, and I cried for me.
I've been trying to avoid writing about the Coronavirus because it seems like that's all we hear about everywhere these days. We need a break. But there's so much grief and loss right now. It's important to acknowledge it. It's important to be allow ourselves to be sad.
So I suppose that's my message for all of us tonight. Don't hold in your tears. Be sad if you need to be sad, and find the joy where you can.
Stay tuned for May 20th: Endurance.
I rarely cry.
I used to cry all the time, but after being teased for it so much in middle school, I learned how to keep it in. I'm still extremely emotional, don't get me wrong, but crying is hard. Which, oddly enough, makes me want to cry, but I can't, usually.
The most recent time I cried was after a nurse friend of mine described her current working environment for me. After we were done talking and I'd hung up the phone, I just sobbed. I am someone who always wants to fix things, and I was completely powerless. My friend was hurting, and there was nothing I could do. I cried for her, and I cried for me.
I've been trying to avoid writing about the Coronavirus because it seems like that's all we hear about everywhere these days. We need a break. But there's so much grief and loss right now. It's important to acknowledge it. It's important to be allow ourselves to be sad.
So I suppose that's my message for all of us tonight. Don't hold in your tears. Be sad if you need to be sad, and find the joy where you can.
Stay tuned for May 20th: Endurance.
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