Playlist Prompts #1: "Dear Winter"

Hello, friends! Happy November! 

Last week, I asked five people - Lindsey, Melissa, Rachel, Kelsey, and my brother Zach - to give me five random songs. I then came up with five songs of my own. I assigned each song randomly to a day in November (except for one that wasn't random, but we'll get to that when we get to it). These songs will act as my prompts as I challenge myself to write every day! I'm particularly excited because this is the most unusual playlist ever compiled.

Today's prompt, courtesy of Lindsey, is the song "Dear Winter" by AJR.

Oh man, friends, I felt this song in my bones. "Dear Winter" is written to a future child named Winter, listing a father's hopes and dreams for them. However, this familiar theme is overshadowed by the singer's yearning for a relationship. He wonders if there's anyone for him - if he'll ever get a chance to meet either his imagined wife or child.

The last part of the song felt particularly true to me (albeit gender-reversed):

"Dear Winter, I'm looking for your mom. I gotta find a girl that doesn't mind that I'm inside my head a lot. Winter, it won't be too long. First, I just gotta find your mom."

I have so many dreams, and all of them revolve around having a family. It's true, of course, that I have a family: my daughter, my parents, my brother and sister-in-law and nephew and niece, my grandma and aunts and uncles and cousins, my friends who are like sisters and brothers. All of the people I just listed are wonderful, but I want to meet my person, you know? I've seen my parents and my brother and sister-in-law and my grandparents and so many others in such amazing marriages and I want that for myself. I always thought that would happen for me. I still do, but the fact that I'm nearing thirty and can still count the number of dates I've ever been on with my fingers makes me question whether this is going to happen for me. It makes me question if there's something wrong with me. 

I've never written to a future child, but I write to my future husband in my journal all the time. I tell him what I hope he'll be like and the adventures I hope we'll go on together. I talk about how I just want someone to go home to at night, a person I can always rely on. I often close out my letters with, "I hope I meet you soon." 

This song is full to the brim with both hope and anxiety. My letters are, too. Sometimes the hopefulness that I find in writing those letters outweighs the anxiety of whether there will ever be someone to read them. 

I try to hold on to the moments when my hope for the future overshadows my anxiety.